Monday, June 29, 2015
Clingmans Dome - Great Smoky Mountain National Park
May 8, 2015
I wish I could meet each of you individually to hug and thank you for the precious feedback to my last post. It wasn’t easy to write or to post, but you are important to me and I am so grateful that you have stuck with me through well over a year now of very sporadic posting. The spirit is willing and wants to write, but the act of sitting down and doing it remains overwhelming. I often write posts in my head while I walk each day, but then simply can’t find the motivation to put it on paper once I’m back at home.
Three months have come and gone. I wake up, I breathe, I do the next thing, I cry, I conduct business, I help my mother, I try to take care of myself, I pray (A LOT!) and I wonder how it is remotely possible that I can ever be “OK” again.
One thing is for sure…..without the firm foundation of faith, family and friends, I cannot imagine how anyone survives the horror of losing their spouse.
FAITH – You cannot have read my blog long without knowing that my Faith is the foundation on which my life is built. I don’t talk it about all the time and certainly don’t try to push my beliefs on anyone else without first establishing a relationship in which we share together with mutual respect. But without my certainty that there is an eternity beyond this mortal life, that I will spend it with my Creator on a recreated Earth the way it was originally meant to be and that Bill, my dad, my grandparents and others are waiting for me, I cannot imagine surviving this grief.
FAMILY – Our family is small, but we are strong. My mom, Bill’s mom and I all now share the bond of being widowed and we lean on each other heavily. My sister is two hours away and comes as often as she can.
FRIENDS – What can I say about this amazing support system of friends that I have? To this very day, it is my choice to eat a meal alone or spend an evening alone. There is always an invitation to be with someone. For the first eight weeks after Bill died, this was truly what saved me. I could not bear to be alone and did not have the mental ability to plan where to go. My friends took over and did it for me. I had a calendar that simply told me where to go for lunch, with whom I was spending the afternoon and where to go for dinner. There are still two people who text every morning to make sure I'm up and every evening to ask how my day has been and if I'm ok. It has been an incredible act of sacrifice on the part of a huge network of people that brings tears to my eyes to even think about now. Gradually the day came when I would decide I wanted to spend a few hours alone, but there was always (and still is) a backup place to go or number to call.
So yes, three months have come and gone. Because of my faith, my family and my friends, I can laugh, I can sing, I can hike, I can be alone in my condo without falling apart, I can take short trips to do something I find pleasurable, I can read, I can play.
But even more important are the things I can give away or share with others…..my time, my story, my experience, my money, my ability to care on a level deeper than I could ever imagine, my compassion for those who are hurting or suffering, my hope for the future, my desire to love others as they have loved me.
I would love for you to share a time in your life
When friends came through for you in a
Way you didn’t expect!