Monday, May 25, 2015

In Memory Of.....................

 Little Bottoms Trail - Great Smoky Mountains National Park
May, 2015

To those of you who may still have me on your Blog Roll or in your Reader, this post will come as a complete shock and for that I truly apologize.  Since I last posted on December 8, 2014, my life has taken a total turn in a direction I never would have anticipated and even now, can’t believe has happened to me.
But it did. 

Bill, Me, My Mom and My Dad

October 10, 2014 – McCloud Mountain

Jellico, Tennessee

On February 18, my sweet daddy, died of a brain hemorrhage after five agonizing days in the Neuro Critical Care Unit of UT Hospital.  He died peacefully with my mother’s arms around him, his granddaughter, my sister and I beside him.  He was 83 years old.  He was in declining health, but his quick death was unexpected.  Thankfully, all words had been said many times.  He knew we loved him and we knew he loved us.  I so miss his quiet manner, sweet smile and timid hugs.

 Little did I know that the greater shock was yet to come.  On March 18 (yes, one month to the day), I lost my sweet Bill to the horror that is cancer.  We had learned on December 23, that although his original cancer had been cured, new cancer had appeared in other parts of his body.  Despite more treatment, the cancer continued to spread quickly and in three short months, he was gone.  He died peacefully in his sleep. He was 59 years old and we had been married 37 years and 9 months. 

Bill and Me – Colorado Springs, Colorado
One of My Favorite Pictures of Us

Any reader of this blog knows that Bill was my life partner, my rock and my best friend.   His death was a complete and total shock as we both fully believed until the very end that he would beat the cancer.   He faced his illness and ultimately his death with a courage and determination that I can’t begin to describe. 

His Celebration of Life Service was attended by hundreds of people and only then did I even begin to realize the scope of his influence in our community and at the school where he taught.  His legacy will live on forever in the lives of many people. 

Why didn’t I know just how far-reaching his life had become?  Because when he came home, he was mine.  We lived life fully, we loved deeply and we had no regrets.  I miss him more than there are words in the English language to express and wonder each day if I will survive the pain.  To have lost my father and my husband in the span of one month is still simply incomprehensible to me. 

But thanks to an unbelievable community of support who have surrounded me with love and kindness, I am beginning to see glimpses of what life might be without Bill in it and I am finding my mind more open to discovering what God might have in mind for me to do and accomplish. 

One thing I know for sure is that I will write.  When I began this blog, five years ago this month, I began with the words, “I love to write, I always have.”  That has not changed and it gives me hope for my future that the words I had lost are beginning to come back.  How little I knew when the title of the blog came to me, that writing about the gains and losses of my life would only become more and more fitting as the years went by. 

So that is what I will do.  The blog will be totally and completely different.  But I hope you will stay with me as I attempt to move forward.