Just outside Durango, Colorado
June 4, 2011
I'd love to report that for the first six months of 2011, my life has been the picture of tranquility reflected in today's picture taken very early one morning as we were leaving Durango, Colorado for the last time. The morning was still, the winds were calm and the sun was just beginning to peek over the edge of the mountains. The solitary hot air balloon seemed to exude confidence that it had found it's way and would tolerate no interference along the path it and its pilot would navigate.
But that would not be a fair report because my life has felt much more like this........................
Black Canyon of the Gunnison National Park - Colorado
May, 2011
.....................jagged edges, rocks, opportunities to fall (or fail!), a seemingly never-ending maze of decisions trying to find rest either on the smooth surfaces of the top or the peaceful waters of the bottom.
I have fought to desperately for a path that looked like this:
Black Canyon of the Gunnison National Park - Colorado
May, 2011
But most of the time it has looked like this:
Black Canyon of the Gunnison National Park - Colorado
May, 2011
Someone, I believe it was my friend Lori, reminded me last week when I was lamenting my post-Colorado travel weight gain, that I had been through a lot physically the first half of this year. Believe it or not, I had forgotten that along with one important piece of information that I never mentioned in the blog because I was so darn tired of talking about how bad I felt.
One month before we left for Colorado, I paid yet another visit to my ENT in total desparation. Even though the eye infection had cleared and I supposedly had no more infection in my sinuses, I just did not feel well and was determined to be better by the time we left. He looked at me and said, "prednisone." I am embarrassed to say that I literally fell apart. It was the culmination of four months of feeling like crap, fighting it the whole time and knowing I didn't feel all that much better. I felt stuck with no GOOD choice, so I gave in. He prescribed 20 days of a continuously high dose (not the tapering dose-pack I had taken in March) of Prednisone. The prednisone made a huge difference in the way I felt as I knew it would, but the consequence I knew I might as well resign myself to was a gain of 13 pounds over the course of the 20 days. I never gave up and I never changed my healthy eating habits (except for a couple of REALLY depressing days), but for me, 20 days of prednisone WILL result in a weight gain and there is absolutely NOTHING I can do about it except cry and I did plenty of that!!
I did feel better and although I knew the weight would not fall off as it does with some medications that cause weight gain, I also knew I could hike/bike it off while in Colorado. So here's the bottom line for my mid-year report. During the second quarter (April), I gained 13 pounds, but lost 7 1/2 of them in late May/June for a net second quarter gain of 5 1/2 pounds.
Fortunately, I am not discouraged. In fact, I am highly motivated and doing well with healthy eating by choice. When I reach my goal somewhere down the road, my path will be littered with scars like these:
Black Canyon of the Gunnison National Park - Colorado
May, 2011
But I know that there is a point to be reached after which the path will never be completely smooth but perhaps, the edges will be a little less jagged and even though there will still be cloudy and dark times, maybe, just maybe, they'll look a little more like this:
View from the end of Black Canyon - Colorado
May, 2011
I am looking forward to the remainder of 2011 in the hopes of finding some peace and tranquility! I hope you are!
Thanks for your friendship and support in the good times as well as the tough days!
Love the visual representation! I'm working hard for that last one. Maybe that's the problem I've had so often in the past, not realizing that the picture will never be just a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow. I predict that for us both, the second half of this year will be something we can reflect back on and be at peace with ourselves.
ReplyDeleteI like your comment about a past littered with scars. Some are internal, some are external. And some are indefinable. I think it's working through the struggles that make us who we are. So while it's difficult and painful in the midst of it, we can try to remember that we will come out on the other side --- a little battered, a little tired, and most importantly, a little wiser and hopefully, a little kinder toward ourselves and others.
ReplyDeleteThe first thing I ask myself in almost any negative situation is, "What part of this can I control?" That helps me dig in and fervently control the things I can. (I embrace the Serenity Prayer with my whole heart. :))
ReplyDeleteIn your case, the prednisone weight gain is/was outside your control. It's science. Your hiking and healthy eating are things you CAN DO and DID DO. I hope you can find joy and peace in knowing that you are controlling the things you can.
Yeah. What Cammy said. Control the things you can.
ReplyDeleteThe tough days are when friendships matter the most. Of course we're here for you. And I agree with Cammy -- I cling to the serenity prayer like it's my life raft...because it is.
ReplyDeleteSharon,
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you are having to live through this. I can relate all too well. As much as I hate to say this because I hate to hear it, these things happen for a reason. There is a lesson to be learned. I like to believe it is an important lesson about staying at the goal weight or something like that.
I'm right there with you since I've only lost 0.6 of the 6.0 gain from the weekend.
Lori
Great pics for your analogy! I too hope that the next half of 2011 is better for you. BTW, I keep track of my WIs and I can see that my weight went up during my two most stressful times in the first half of 2011 also - admitting mom to a nursing home and when my hubby had surgery.
ReplyDeleteDawn
What beautiful pictures! My daughter went to camp last year at Tremont. I've been wanting to visit since then.
ReplyDeleteThanks for taking a look at my blog! I look forward to getting to know you better!