Sunday Sharing - How Can I Help You This Week?

Spruce Mountain Trail - GSMNP
September 18 2010

 

I had two delightful days of hiking on Friday and Saturday.  I reached a personal best of 19 miles over the course of the two days (8 miles on Friday, 11 on Saturday).  The Saturday trail was a high elevation trail in the Great Smoky Mountains National Park.  We'd hoped for nice cool autumn weather, but it was not to be and the word for the day was icky-sticky.  Very unusual for September in these parts.  I'm so envious of those posting pictures taken in your community with everyone wearing sweaters or long sleeves.  Ain't happening in Tennessee yet!!  More hiking pictures and stories to come in the days ahead.  This will be my first hiking "season" since I began this blog and I've already realized that every trail provides inspiration.

 

But hiking is not the focus for today....Sunday Sharing is!!   This is the third week of Sunday Sharing, something I started on a whim simply because I was so overwhelmed with the care you gave to me during the hospitalization and death of my FIL.  I just wanted to give something back.  And what is often the delightful surprise of giving something away, is that it is returned to you many times over.  How could I stop the joy I received in pondering and praying over your requests every morning while drinking that first cup of coffee.   And so it continues.....................

For those who might be new to this blog, check out this post  for exactly what Sunday Sharing is and how you can participate.  For everyone else, here's a reminder:  

As we start a new week with its gains and losses, ups and downs, triumphs and challenges, joys and sorrows, please leave a comment and tell me some very specific thing that needs to happen in your life this week for you to feel as if you're making progress in a forward direction.  Be as honest and specific as you are comfortable being.  If it has absolutely nothing to do with weight loss, that is perfectly o.k.  This is about your life and what is occupying first place in your mind as you look towards a new week. 

For me, please encourage me as I return to a rather restrictive healthy eating plan.  Will share details in tomorrow's post, but that is what I need from you this week.  

So tell me, friends of mine.................. what very specific thing do you need to have happen in your life this week to feel as if you're making progress in a forward direction? 

Simple Girl....Simple Life

Yes, I took this picture from the back deck of a home we were renting in Flagler Beach, FL this past January.  I had just returned from the Flagler Beach Farmer's Market and was displaying the bounty I had purchased.  I have some strawberries in my refrigerator right now, but you can be sure they don't look or taste like these did.  Everything you see had been picked no more than four hours prior to my purchasing it at the market.   Oh,  for that kind of simplicity in all things.

My life is a little too complicated right now and I generally rebel when that happens. Comparatively speaking, my life is anything but complicated and I have worked very, very hard to get it that way.  Most of the people in my "real" life understand that when Mr. B is out of school, I am much less accessible to other people because my full attention is focused on the things he and I plan together.  This is as it should be and I don't apologize for that.  When he returns to school each August, I go through a period of readjustment as life returns to normal.  Bottom line is, we have a good time during the summer and I miss him when he starts back to school.  But we are there now, he is fully involved in what is shaping up to be an incredibly busy academic year at the community college where he teaches and is program coordinator for the department.  And all of those people in my "real" life are coming out of the woodwork asking for my attention and wanting to catch up.  MIL is already asking when there will be another day for her and my own mother needs some attention as well.  All of this is testing my new resolve to make decisions that work well for me and then let my "yes" be "yes" and my "no" be "no."

To celebrate that resolve, I am going hiking tomorrow and Saturday and I couldn't be more excited.  I am hiking tomorrow with a new group of friends that hike together regularly.  I was never able to get hooked up with them last spring, but decided that would be a priority come fall.  A day in the woods usually gets me back on track emotionally.  Two days will be a real treat.  

I have also been working on a new schedule that is a bit more organized and takes into consideration some of the out-of-control, hit-or-miss issues that had begun to weigh on me.  What I'm trying to say is that I do have the luxury of free time, but when I left CorporateLand, I vowed that I'd always use my time wisely and not fritter it away. While I don't waste time, I'd like to see a more disciplined schedule of accomplishing certain things at the same time every week.  Based on some of the things I've learned recently, here are a couple of changes I'm going to try.

1) I am going to grocery shop ONCE a week and it will be on Tuesday morning.  I'm going to take another crack at planning menus and making a grocery list on Monday.   At this point in my journey, this change will serve several purposes not the least of which is keeping me away from the demon sample pushers (ALL of our grocery store and Sam's have these all the time) and freeing up more time for other things.  

2) The other big change is that 4-6 p.m. will become blog time.  I have found only two things which keep my focus totally off of food.   One is hiking and the other is blogging.   When hiking, I have no interest in food as anything other than fuel.  When reading and writing blogs, I simply forget about food.  4-6 p.m. is my absolute worst time of day for bad eating.  My day's activities are done and I am home.  This has always been my time for reading and reading calls for recreational eating.  I've always said if 4-6 p.m. and social events could be eliminated, I'd not have a weight problem.   The hardest part for me will be NOT reading your blogs early in the morning.  And I may still read my favorites, but most reading and writing will be done from 4-6.

3)  Although I have eaten well for five days now, I have not lost any weight.  And I know why.  Yes, I have eaten well, but I am still eating too much.  I'm making some changes in this area as well, but will share them in a post of it's own. 

For the first time, something happened in BlogWorld yesterday that has really troubled me.  I know I'm new and will have to get used to this, but it's the first time it's happened with someone I saw as a friend.  Many of you did too, so I'm wondering if anyone else has noticed.  I missed this person and went to their blog to see if I had missed a post.  The blog has been removed.  This person (and I don't feel it appropriate to identify who) had been blogging for awhile and her writing is delightful.  She had been struggling with several stops and starts over the past few months, but it was a total shock for me to go to someone's blog and find it GONE!  For whatever reason, she chose not to continue blogging and to remove her blog with no word of farewell.  I just want to encourage you to keep this person in your thoughts (it doesn't matter if you know who it is or not) and if by any chance, she is still reading, please know that I miss you and if I can help you in any way, please, please do not hesitate to email me.  You have my email address.  We are all struggling in our own way.  You were, and are, just one of us.  We never expected perfection.  We just liked YOU!

This is an odd community we are part of in that one can appear and/or disappear in an instant without a trace.  I can't help but be sad now that I've experienced this firsthand. 

One more thing....I bought an eggplant on my Tuesday morning grocery store outing.   Please tell me what to do with it.  You all are inspiring me to try new things in the kitchen. 

What is the time of day you are most tempted to veer off-plan?   What do you do for distraction?

Back to Basics and More Awards

Hemphill Bald - GSMNP

October, 2008

This may look like a well-manicured lawn area, but I can assure you it isn't.  Hemphill Bald is one of the few maintained "balds" left in the Great Smoky Mountains National Park.  Balds are naturally grassy areas at high elevation (this one is almost 6000') that were once used for grazing cattle.  Hemphill Bald can only be reached by hiking no less than ten miles, but as you can see, once there, it is a sight to behold.  This is looking off to the North Carolina side toward Asheville.  Hemphill Bald Trail runs the boundary line of privately owned property and the National Park.  The owners of this land have graciously built the table, the fence (to keep cattle out) and the log benches for use by hikers.  The trail runs just behind the table.   

The red backpack is mine.   We were combining some trails and this was going to be my longest mileage hike to date.  I was excited, but also a bit nervous as one always is when pushing themselves to new heights.  I remember being very diligent as I loaded my backpack.  There would be a very thin line between having exactly what I needed, but keeping the pack weight light.   Trying to carry a backpack too heavy has been the downfall of many a hiker.  Believe me, adding 10-20 pounds of weight to your back makes walking a whole different ball of wax.  Although it was a long hike, circumstances (it wasn't very hot, we were never far from civilization, etc.) dictated that we could hike with just the basics.  Problem was, just exactly what were the "basics."  

That's a little how I'm feeling today. Over the past few days, I've exposed my innards and come out swinging!  I feel free, light and ready to hit the ground running.  Trouble is, I don't know which way to run.  I've been doing this weight loss thing for so long I'm having to remind myself of the "basics."  So, for now, it's one hour at a time and some hours, thanks to Karen at Waisting Time's post written just for me, it's 20 minutes at a time.  For today, it's Dawn at It's My Time's voice in my head saying, "just eat clean, Sharon, just eat clean."   And for the rest of my life, it's yours truly saying, "let your "yes" be "yes" and your "no" be "no."  Those are some of the basics for today and they are working.  I've got to keep my "pack" light.

Thank you to Food Addict, Lisa and Deb for the honor of this award:

There are two rules for this award:  1) Summarize your blog's philosophy, motivation and experience in five words and 2) pass the award to ten others worthy blogs.   I'm going to abstain from passing the award along today because I want to find ten new blogs who haven't received this award and are putting something out there that is full of substance.  I may pass it along one at a time!!

My five word blog philosophy came to me almost immediately:

Encouragement For Myself and Others

It's been a busy day today.  More business to handle with mother-in-law.  Today would have been their 59th wedding anniversary - the first "event" hurdle to cross.   I wanted to spend most of the day with her and we had a lovely time that included a mixture of laughing, crying, planning for the future and of course, eating lunch.  I chose Aubrey's, a locally owned small chain of restaurants and I ate well.  Now, I am off to choir practice.  

Peeling Back The Layers

Hemphill Bald Trail - GSMNP

October, 2008

Last Saturday evening, we had a horrible thunderstorm.  Nestled between the Cumberland Plateau and the foothills of the Great Smoky Mountains, we are fairly protected from extreme weather.  Saturday evening was the exception.  It was sudden and it was severe.  We were sitting on the couch bemoaning the fact that the UT vs. Oregon football game had been halted because of lightning in the area.   Suddenly, there was a flash and a crash that sounded like an explosion.  I screamed and Mr. B yelled that something had been hit.  I remember saying, "is it us" and his replying, "I don't think so, but it was very close."  To make a long story short, we soon realized it was our next door neighbor's house that had been struck and it was on fire.  They have two small children which they immediately brought to our home.  Their mom had just finished their baths when the storm struck and both were stark naked, terrified and shivering uncontrollably.  My heart just broke.  Fortunately, the fire was contained to the attic and it was only after the fire department arrived with their spotlights were we able to see that the lightning had actually struck a huge oak tree beside their home and then jumped to the house.  Much damage was done, but all are safe and repairs are already well underway.  

But I sure wish you could see that tree.  It is a huge, majestic oak tree that looks as if its been carved from top to bottom.  Giant pieces of bark were torn away and debris is spread over three yards.  The tree is exposed, ripped and naked in a way I can't even begin to describe.  I tried taking a picture and will try again in the morning with different lighting, but it just doesn't begin to illustrate the reality.  I, however, was astounded by the analogy that came to mind as I walked around that tree in the peaceful calm of early Sunday morning following the late Saturday evening storm.

That tree looks kind of the way I feel.  It stood tall and proud seemingly all together until it was confronted by something much more powerful and strong than it was.  The bark was ripped away in pieces until the tree was left still standing, but with it's "insides" totally exposed.  These last posts, although a result of a relapse in my weight loss efforts and life's circumstances, still feel as if they came out of nowhere.  That I've been confronted by something much larger than I am and left exposed.  It hasn't been easy to write nor has it been easy to push the "publish" button.  The layers have been peeled back.  The ones that needed to be pruned, hopefully, have been.  The ones that remain attached, hopefully, will be nurtured and grow back even stronger.

See, here's the verdict on the tree.  The arborist says he believes the tree will survive and he does not recommend cutting it down.  It was exceptionally healthy and strong with a root system that doesn't appear to have been damaged.   From looking at the tree, I find this hard to believe.  But if I've learned nothing else so far on this journey and from your stories, my blog friends, I have learned that it's not what you see on the outside that counts.  Strength comes from within and it is from within that we find life.  It is from within that we find wisdom to change and courage to ask for the things we need.  

I am like that tree.  As it stands tall and as I watch it heal, may it be a constant reminder to me that I too, am strong.   Very strong!

Current period of extreme introspection is now declared over - it's back to basics.   And just for the record, this morning, I've begun day four of healthy on-plan eating. This morning's weight - 159.5.  Exactly what it was on September 1.  There is still time for a good loss by October 1.   I am strong - very strong!

Husbands! Gotta Love 'Em!

Flat Creek Trail - GSMNP

October, 2008

This post has gone through several titles.  "How To Handle Husbands," didn't stay long as I do intend this to always be a G-rated blog and wasn't sure what sort of audience that heading might attract!   "Come To Jesus Meeting" was in the running, but although my religious beliefs are well-known, it really isn't my intent to attract Billy Graham as a follower, although, of course, he'd be welcome!  "Help, I'm Married," also went through the "maybe" stage, but I think I've ultimately settled on the current one. 

As far as husbands go, I think I got the best.  Sure, he has his "quirks" and oh boy, what a post I could write about those, but in the interest of 33 MORE years of wedded bliss (cough, cough) to go with the 33 behind me, I think I'll just stick with telling you about our come to Jesus meeting.  He does read this blog!! 

At the risk of being anticlimactic, I'll say this right up front.   There wasn't much, if any, new material that came from the discussion.  Mr. B knows all about my issues with food and my problems with weight control.  He has always, without fail, been kind and loved me at 203 as much as he loved me at 138.  He loves me right now at 159.  He listens and says, "what can I do?" and "I just want you to be happy." 

During this period of relapse, there have been some differences and that has been scary to me.  Since beginning this blog last May, I believe that the writing has begun to uncover some layers that had remained hidden for many years.  That culminated in last week's posts and were the discoveries I was attempting to communicate to him over the weekend.  I think he senses that I have hit rock bottom (this scares him) and also, my determination to change.  This might be a bit threatening to him because it can't help but mean change for him as well. 

I think, in a sense, he wants his cake plus all the trimmings.  He is so proud of me at my goal weight (he just beams when I walk down the staircase in something new or something he hasn't seen in awhile), but he also enjoys the me that comes home from the grocery store with all sorts of goodies, the me that suggests pizza for dinner, the me that packs a killer picnic lunch you don't even want to know about, the me that can plan and execute a backyard party to die for, and the me that says, "look the HOT DOUGHNUTS NOW sign is on" when we pass Krispy Kreme doughnuts. 

He is a normal eater with a normal appetite.  He can do all of the above things with no obvious repercussions.  He is NOT a healthy eater and does not share my passion for becoming one.  This is a problem.  I know my choices are mine and mine alone, but we are each other's best friend and sometimes it is highly discouraging to me that this is one of the few things we don't share and therefore, will never be able to function fully as a "team" when planning, discussing and implementing healthy clean eating.  He loves to cook and is an EXCELLENT cook.  Thank goodness, one of us is!  I know it is frustrating to him when he wants to plan an elaborate dinner party and I ask if it can be a healthy menu.  The answer is no and his stubborn, only child, my way or no way syndrome kicks in resulting in much pouting and "let's just forget the whole thing."  I feel pretty strongly about my home representing frugal living, healthy eating and a sustainable environment and I can be pretty stubborn too.  We have not yet found the "let's meet each other halfway" point on this subject and sometimes, the conversations aren't pretty!!  This is also a PERFECT example of what I talked about in last week's posts.  I give in to make him happy, but I'm already angry because I feel manipulated into participating in something I didn't want to do in the first place, the food is delicious and I eat it - ALL OF IT!!

It also means that I am having to retrain myself to function alone in this way and I'm not used to that.  In all of the above situations and all of the areas I discussed in the earlier posts, I'm having to learn to say, "no" or "can't we do it this way," or "this is what I'm eating, can you take care of yourself tonight," or the hardest one of all, "I"m going to need to ask you to not eat that in front of me," or even harder, "for now, we can't have that in the house."   It compounds the whole issue when he shouldn't be eating the stuff he's eating to start with and I am thinking how much fun it would be if we could plan and eat our healthy meals/snacks together.   Did you hear the BIG SIGH OF FRUSTRATION here??

Here are some of the specific things I asked from him:
1)  I am the ultimate planner and his preferred method of operation is flying by the seat of his pants.  I have asked that with respect to our social life and eating out (which BTW, he loves to do), there be no flying by the seat of our pants.  If it is a sudden social invitation, we say "no" and we plan restaurant eating so that I can look ahead, decide EXACTLY what I'm going to order, tell him in advance and ask him to either order for me or hold me accountable.  He will not even "allow" me to open a menu. 

2) I've asked him to identify some food items he enjoys that aren't temptations to me.  Believe it or not, there are some of those!! LOL! 

3) I've told him that my grocery shopping is now limited to ONE time a week.  We will cook and eat from what we have on hand or what I purchase during that one visit.  I am a good, frugal shopper and love meandering around in different grocery stores to see what they have.  This has become a problem in terms of impulse purchases and uncounted calories via demon sample pushers.  I've asked that any items he wants be on the fridge magnetic board and if they aren't there, he doesn't get them until the following week.

4) Mostly, I've asked that he not allow me to manipulate him into becoming an "enabler" even when the enabling might benefit him (think HOT Krispy Kreme doughnuts that was MY idea to go get).  If you don't read Diane's Fit To The Finish  blog, you should.  Her post from this morning, especially the last two paragraphs, were given to me in perfect timing. 

Our "Come To Jesus" meeting was a great discussion and made even better by the fact that we had driven to the mountains and were enjoying a wonderful trail that runs along the river.  He listened and I believe he senses something a little different about this valley.  He does want it all (the at-goal me AND the me that suggests the doughnuts) but he would like to see the depressed, remorseful, sick at her stomach from overeating, me go away for good.  What remains to be seen is whether the layers I'm uncovering about who I really am and the changes required from BOTH of us to find and embrace her, will be accepted.   I hope so, because I think I'm going there with or without his full support.  He's my best friend, my soul mate and my partner of 33 years - I really want him to go with me.   We'll have such a good time!

All this has caused my curious nature to run rampant.   Those of you with DH's, significant others and/or kids still at home, tell me about your relationship with that person/kids with respect to YOUR food and weight issues.  Is it a team effort, are they enablers, do you get resistance, how in the heck to you cook meals that please them if they aren't on board without sabotaging your own efforts?  Talk back to me - I think it will benefit us all.

I'm going to try and tie all this together in tomorrow's post.  It's been a tough few days, but I truly believe that, "darkness may linger in the night, but joy comes in the morning."   And BTW - I am on day 3 of on-plan eating. 

Sunday Sharing - What Can I Do For You?

Hemphill Bald Trail - GSMNP 

October, 2008

Hope you are enjoying my pictures even though they aren't current.  With a brand new computer and a huge hard drive, I'm transferring a lot of my pics back to the computer from CD's and it has opened up a whole new world of memories.  The hike on this day was 12.8 miles, a new record for me at that time, and is still one of the most memorable because of the beauty.  Hemphill Bald trail is on the North Carolina side of the Great Smoky Mountains National Park, so not as easily accessible to us.   We were spending Mr. B's fall break in a cabin in Maggie Valley with some friends.  This is a point-to-point hike meaning the finishing point is 12.8 miles from the starting point requiring either a vehicle at both ends or someone to drop you off at your starting point.  Mr. B does NOT hike that distance, but he did agree to get up very early and take us to the drop-off point.  Everything fell into place perfectly and was a hike I'll never forget.  The best part of all is that when we finished, we were only about ten minutes from the cabin (translate hot shower and jacuzzi) and dinner was waiting when we walked in the door.  Can't get much better than that!

We've all experienced doing something that you thought was for someone else, but it ended up being just as meaningful for you, if not more so, than it could have possibly been for the recipients.  That's the way I feel about last Sunday's, "What Can I Do For You?" post.  I didn't know what to expect, but it was something I really wanted to do in response to your kindness to me over the past few weeks.  I just want you to know that printing out those comments and posting them above my coffee pot has been such a delight to me every morning this week.  I have talked to you, I have prayed for you, I have told you what I think you should do (I really should see a doctor about these conversations going on in my head! lol!), and I have rejoiced with you when the news was good.

So guess what?  Let's do it again.  Let's make it a Sunday regular.  I may change up the questions a tad or add something, but the core will always be to please tell me in a comment how I can support you this week during my morning quiet time.  Well, I actually learned that it goes far beyond my morning quiet time.  In my house, you go through the kitchen to get to or from anywhere else, so the "list" is ever present.  For those who might not have read last week's post,  I will print this weeks comments/requests and post them above my coffee pot where I promise to read them every morning between 6 and 6:30 a.m. and say a prayer specifically for you and ask that you find courage and strength to meet this week's challenges.  Your requests do not need  to be related to weight loss.  It should be whatever is coming during the next seven days that has you anxious.

Here goes.........What specific thing is happening in your life or is a struggle this week through which I can support you with my thoughts and prayers?  What do you need?

For me, I am emotionally exhausted from the last couple of posts, but feel I'm making progress.  There are no planned social events this week, but I anticipate one or two opportunities where I can use my newly discovered ability to either say, "no" or "could we do this instead?"  Wish for me the courage to do just that.

Have a good Sunday.  If you do not attend church and are interested, here's the link to my church, First Baptist Church, Knoxville, Tennessee.  Our 11 a.m. service is webcast live and if nothing else, you can try and find me in the choir!!

Come back tomorrow for a report on the "Come To Jesus" meeting with Mr. B!!

I'm Quirky - Will You Like Me Anyway?

View from Round Bald - June, 2008

Appalachian Trail along the TN/NC border

(I wrote both yesterday's post and this one at the same time yesterday morning, but knew I couldn't publish both at the same time - it would've been far too long.  Obviously, yesterday's post hit a nerve with many of you and once again, we find common ground.  So if you see something in this post that repeats something you said in your comment, remember, this post had already been written.  IOW, we are thinking the same way!  Talk back to me - I'm listening and it helps!  Enjoy your Saturday!)

 

Today's post is a continuation of yesterday's post, so if you haven't read it, please do or this one will make no sense.  Of course, it's entirely possible that NEITHER post makes any sense!  LOL!

I've discovered that most, if not all, of my episodes in which I compulsively overeat in a social situation, binge eat alone or fall "off the wagon" after a prolonged period of progress involve one the the following situations:

1)  A planned or unplanned restaurant eating experience.
2)  A planned or unplanned social setting in someone else's home.
3)  An event in the future (immediate or far away) where I know food will be a problem.
4)  Any event involving food that catches me totally off-guard.

Here are some of those "quirks" I kept talking about yesterday:
1)  Technically, I am a very simple eater.  Truth be told, I'd rather have Triscuits, Laughing Cow Cheese and grapes for dinner as any gourmet meal that could possibly be prepared. ( Problem is, I want the whole box of Triscuits, the whole round of cheese and 4 pounds of grapes!)   Do I LIKE the fancy stuff - of course, who doesn't.  But the point is, given my first choice, I'll always choose the simple stuff.

2)   I am rarely interested in restaurant dining (fancy restaurant or McDonald's).  There are exceptions of course, but generally speaking, I want simple food in a simple place that is clean and uncrowded.

3)  I am the world's worst chit-chatter.  I just don't do small talk!  Don't get me wrong - I love meeting new people and getting to know them, but my idea of getting to know you is to say, "hi, I'm Sharon - do you agree with Pavlov's theory about slobbering dogs?"  I don't want to discuss the weather, I want to know what makes you tick.

4)  This introvert just does better out in wide open spaces with one or two friends enjoying life at its simplest.

5)   I am horribly claustrophobic.  Remember, claustrophobia can be internal as well as external.

6)   Back me into a corner with no escape(choice) and I'll come out swinging. 

Couple these "quirks" with those things from yesterday's post which I have to change before I'll ever be a "normal" eater and you have a collision of major proportions!

But here's some good news, I think!

Isn't recognition the first sign of progress?  Maybe if I'm recognizing the "where did this come from" part of an out-of-control eating experience, I can then use the control tendencies in a productive rather than destructive way.  Courage to say, "thanks, but no thanks" when invited to do something I really don't want to do.  No explanation needed, just "thanks, but no thanks."  Courage to suggest an alternative that meets my needs.  Not in a selfish or self-serving way, but in a way that asks the other people involved to meet me halfway.  Isn't that a part of a healthy relationship with another person?  Courage to have a "come to Jesus" meeting with Mr. B about his role in some of the problems and courage to ASK for what I need from him.  Remember, for every introverted tendency I possess, he is the polar opposite.  The more, the merrier.  (I think I just invented tomorrow's post!!)  Courage to do all these things without fear of whether or not I'll be liked.  Courage to move forward in becoming the me I want to be.  The me I think I am.  The me I'm afraid for you to know.   The me food loves unconditionally.  The me food will always be right there to comfort and soothe when Ms. Quirky finds herself somewhere she really doesn't want to be or becomes afraid she's just too weird for anyone to really like.   Hmmmmmm!

Following recognition comes action.  Well, guys, this isn't something I can resolve in a tidy little blog post.  But here are a couple of starters:

1)  Stop manipulating circumstances in hopes of maintaining control. Wait for invitations to come to me and practice using the word, "no."
2)  When someone tries to force me into making a decision, be patient and wait them out.
3)  Use the familiar tactics when in a social setting that is unavoidable i.e. a function related to Mr. B's work.  (There has only been one of these and I honestly believe if I hadn't already been so angry about all the other things, I'd have probably done just fine with this one.)
4)  Do not hesitate (EVER!!) to take my own food to a restaurant.  I have wanted to do this hundreds of times over the years, but was always afraid of offending someone or being "tacky."  Folks, if done in a quiet way that does not draw attention to yourself and if an appropriate tip is left for the server as if you had eaten a meal, this is NOT tacky. People are on "special" diets all the time and bring their own food.  It is NOT tacky. Sharon, do you hear this? It is NOT tacky. 
5)  Have that "come to Jesus"** meeting with Mr. B.

**For those who might not know, a "come to Jesus" meeting is southern slang for one of those conversations between husband and wife where the woman starts out with a list of things to discuss that has been building for a long time, and after about 10 seconds, the man adopts that glassy-eyed stare that the woman never notices.  

Well, I'll have to say there's been some heavy stuff these last two days.  Thanks for sticking with me and please tell me what you think.   Please tell me you still like me.    On second thought, I hope you still like me, but I'm pretty happy with myself right now and just for today, that's more important.

I'm reminded of the Serenity Prayer which we all know, but seems fitting to end with........

God grant me the SERENITY to
accept the things I cannot change;
COURAGE to change the things I can;
and WISDOM to know the difference.

Now, about that "come to Jesus" meeting with Mr. B...............................