Two Down, One To Go!

Little River Trail - Great Smoky Mountains National Park

November 19, 2013

I don't know what it's like in your neck of the woods, but the frigid winter air with a stiff north wind accompanying it arrived in East Tennessee with a vengeance!  We went from mild, autumn like temps with calm breezes (perfect walking weather) to low 20s with wind chills in the teens OVERNIGHT!!  Yesterday was clear with brilliant sunshine, but somehow you could just tell by looking out the windows that the sunshine was deceiving!  

We had the most wonderful weekend!  Bill has had an excellent "recovery" week following round two of his chemotherapy treatments.  His appetite and taste buds returned, he regained some weight and his energy level, although obviously compromised, has allowed him to do some things he enjoyed.  One of which was decorating our home for Christmas.  We traditionally decorate on the Friday following Thanksgiving (which should tell you exactly how we feel about Black Friday), but given this year will be totally different, we decided to go ahead and decorate while Bill was feeling good.  Since we have a whole new place to decorate, we wanted the time to be really special.  And it was.  We got started Friday evening, took a break on Saturday and finished up on Sunday afternoon.  The condo looks beautiful and it is amazing how lovely our decorations look and fit in the new spaces.  The only thing we had to buy was a wreath for the front door.  The only thing we can't use are the giant wreaths which we always placed on the front windows of our 70-year old Cape Cod we moved out of!  I am so glad we got this done.  It will bring Bill a great deal of comfort next week when he is feeling so miserable!

On Saturday, we enjoyed our traditional Thanksgiving feast with our families!  Who says it HAS to be on Thursday?  The only "tradition" we didn't get to do was watch the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade!  Thanksgiving is our favorite holiday and we have followed traditions established 36 years ago when we first got married.  When his treatment plan was set, Bill almost immediately recognized that Thanksgiving Day would fall during his lowest part of round three and he'd be unable to go anywhere, see anyone or do anything!  It was a tough pill to swallow, but after making it through round one and seeing that there truly is a "recovery" period, it was his idea to celebrate our Thanksgiving on the Saturday before when he would feel his best.  It was a wonderful day of thanksgiving and celebration.  Yes, Thursday will still be tough, but we'll be o.k.

Thanks to dear friends, Gene and Judi Curp, I was able to hike in my beloved mountains last Tuesday.  On a spectacular autumn day in the Smokies, we did the five mile Cucumber Gap Loop, and as always, I was reminded that there is no better therapy than doing what you love with friends who love you!  How eternally grateful I will always be for the friends I have met through writing this blog!  

Yes, Round Three is tomorrow and yes, we wish it were behind us.  Because of the holiday, this round is a tiny bit different.  The med which is continuously infused through a pump will come off on Wednesday instead of Friday shortening it by 48 hours and halving the amount of the drug he will receive.  His oncologist has been very pleased with Bill's progress and says this will be "enough."  We believe this is the med that has made him the sickest over the longest period of time, so we are in hopes that the shorter infusion time might make a difference in how sick he is and might allow him to "recover" a bit earlier!  However, we are also a bit nervous as the holiday weekend also means we will be without the "lifeline" of our doctor's office from Wednesday evening through Monday morning.  Yes, they are available and a doctor is on call, but it still isn't the same as being able to reach them immediately.  Should Bill become dehydrated, he'd have to go to ER rather than to the office for fluids!  So please keep us in your thoughts this week and specifically, that he will be able to drink enough fluids on his own to stay hydrated and the shortened infusion period will allow him to recover quicker!

I wish each of you a Happy Thanksgiving.  Please, PLEASE take time to celebrate every blessing you've been given.  Live every moment to its fullest potential never forgetting that everything can change in an instant!  And in the midst of your Thanksgiving, find someone who might NOT be feeling "blessed" right now and using the resources you have, see if you can't make a difference in their day.  

Thank You for the Blessing of Your Friendship!

Round Two Is Behind Us!

Covered Bridge near Tellico Plains, TN

November 3, 2013

I am so thankful to report that yes, Chemo Treatment Round Two is behind us.  Bill has entered the "recovery" period and will have a week of reprieve before his third and last treatment on Monday, November 25.  In many ways, round two was a bit easier as we were able to make some adjustments in meds based on the things we learned from round one.  As we'd been told, round two was similar to round one in the timing of how specific side effects hit.  But there were many things that were different and with the nausea better controlled, it seems a couple of other unpleasant side effects took center stage.  His "recovery" period actually was a full day later in getting here.  We weren't expecting that!  The cumulative effects are more evident as he is still quite fatigued, has lost more weight and just doesn't have the stamina he'd hoped for.  He is doing a terrific job managing his activity and trying his best to eat food that will provide nourishment even though those aren't necessarily the things which sound the best to him.  He is sleeping well and that, in itself is a blessing. 

How am I coping?  That's a good question.  Some days I feel like I'm doing great - other days, not so much!  Some days, this all still seems like a dream and I'll wake up with everything being as it was except that I'll have a renewed appreciation for the strengths of my husband and the stability he has always brought to our marriage.  We've talked a lot over the past few weeks about how neither of us feel we've ever taken the other for granted, but when faced with having to handle EVERYTHING, you suddenly realize how much your spouse does on a daily basis that he just did and you never thought twice about it.  Most days, I'm well aware that this is no dream and we have a long way to go before our life will be "normal" again.  I also believe that our "normal" will look very different.  We are both changed people (for the better, I hope).  Another topic of conversation has been ways in which we will live differently with priorities that might be a bit kinder, gentler and less self-centered. I expect there will be a lot more about that in upcoming blog posts!

There are a few things I have managed to do quite well and I think that has been advantageous to my overall ability to cope.  I have faithfully exercised with very few days that I have not recorded at least 10,000 steps on my pedometer.  When Bill has been so sick, I've been unable to eat either, so yes, I've lost weight, but during his recovery week, we eat well and therefore, my weight balances out.  During the most stressful period I've ever experienced, I'm managing to maintain an exercise routine AND maintain my weight.  That tells me I've learned something through the years that is able to run on auto-pilot when it has to.  My dear friend, Debby, wrote a post over the weekend that really spoke to me and said some of these same things.  She's been doing some thinking too!  Here's a link to that post.

The thing which seems to be most evident of my stress is my inability to concentrate.  I can't settle down to read, I have no desire to cook, even sitting down to write takes a lot of effort.  I leave one room to get something out of another and when I get there, I can't remember what I needed.  I've learned that leaving the house without a detailed, specific list of where I'm going and what I need from each store is futile.  Bill doesn't seem to be having this problem - I'm the one who seems to have Chemo brain!

When you read this, I will either be heading out to my beloved mountains to hike or already be there.  Thanks to wonderful friends who have said, just let us know when you can go, we've planned a short hike to accommodate the fact that I'm way out of shape, but it will get me in the woods and on a trail.  Right now, I can't think of anything more therapeutic.

Seasons Come, Seasons Go........

Great Smoky Mountains National Park - Foothills Parkway

November 3, 2013

The autumn season has come and gone here in the mountains of East Tennessee and I have largely missed observing it.   I'm learning a lot of valuable lessons about seasons of life as they come.  I hope and pray that I will be a better person who applies these life lessons as this difficult season passes.  I'm sure I'll be writing about some of the things I've learned as time goes by, but for today, I just want to show you a few pictures we took last Sunday (a week ago) on Bill's last day of "recovery" before chemo treatment round two began Monday.  

We just wanted to see some of fall foliage without the headache of traffic and thankfully, we are natives of this area and know exactly where to go to avoid the nightmares of Gatlinburg and Pigeon Forge.  We headed toward the Foothills Parkway in Blount County and this is what we found.

Mile after mile of stunning yellow, red and orange trees with stunning vistas of the mountains in the background.  And just look at that road up ahead totally free of traffic.  At that hour of the morning, most tourists were in one of the many Pancake Houses back in the towns!

After exiting the parkway, we made our way out of the park and headed across some backroads few people know about and into the Cherokee National Forest to get a look at Bald River Falls.     We knew the falls would be crowded on a Sunday afternoon and would be at less than optimal flow in the dry season of early November, but took the risk anyway.

Bald River Falls - Cherokee National Forest

November 3, 2013

Remember, I am no photographer and I've posted pics of this waterfall before, but always taken in the early morning as I began the hike that runs alongside the waterfall for several miles.  I don't think I've ever seen the falls with this little water.  Normally the flow covers the rocks and I've see it tumbling ferociously during the rainy season.  And yes, we found the crowds here so we didn't linger.  Besides we were hungry and knew just where we were going...........

Don't come to the Tellico Beach Drive-In expecting anything fancy.  In fact, what you see in these pics is pretty much what you get as far as atmosphere, plus there is that big sign by the window that says, "no credit cards" and "no public restrooms!"  Waiting in line is guaranteed and believe me, they get in no hurry.  What you WILL get is a hamburger or hot dog made to order like they USED to make them before fast food joints ruined everything and crinkle cut french fries to die for.  

Fine waterfront dining at the Tellico Beach Drive-In

November 3, 2013

After our delicious lunch, we headed home.  Bill tires very easily and we'd been gone since early morning.  We were so thankful that he felt good and we were able to spend his last day before starting all over again out enjoying this autumn season as we watch it go!

 

We aren't real good with selfies, but I thought this one came out pretty good!

He looks normal to me since I'm used to him wearing a hat - who would know there's no hair under there?

Chemo treatment round two began one week ago today.  It's effects on Bill have been similar to round one, but we did learn some things and his doctor helped us with some ideas for managing the horrible nausea a little better this time.  But there are no two ways around it, chemo is awful for the person receiving the treatment and difficult for the caregiver to watch someone they love suffer so.  You would do ANYTHING to take away the sickness.  If this round continues to progress as the last one did, he will enter into his "recovery" period on Thursday and then have 1 1/2 weeks before treatment number three on November 25.  

Your kind words  have helped me tremendously and Bill is simply awed by so much support from folks who don't even know him!

Please continue to keep us in your prayers!

My Day In The Woods

Backcountry Campsite #18 - West Prong Trail

GSMNP - October 28, 2013

I honestly can't remember which of us discovered the blog of the other first, but Pam @ Nomadic Newfies and I have been reading each other's blogs for well over a year.  Pam and her husband live in Wisconsin and are still employed, but do a good bit of traveling each year in their RV.  I love seeing a state with which I'm unfamiliar through the eyes of someone who lives there, so I truly enjoy reading Pam's blog.  I've known for many months that they were planning to spend a couple of weeks in the Smokies during October and we both looked forward to meeting and doing some hiking together.  First, the government shutdown appeared as if it were going to derail their plans and then I got sidetracked with Bill's illness and treatment schedule.  It just didn't look like it was going to happen and I was so disappointed.  Thankfully, things stabilized here and we were finally able to get together on one of their last days in Tennessee.

Being sorely out of hiking shape and Pam still a bit intimidated by her midwestern, flatland hiking options at home, we chose a combination of two trails that are favorites of mine, yet very easy by Smokies standards.  The total hike was right at six miles which was perfect.  The easy and gentle terrain making it comfortable for us to talk while we enjoyed our surroundings.  As is the case with every single person I've met via this blog, Pam is delightful and I can only hope that there are more opportunities for us to hike again in the future.

I was happy to notice that at the lower elevation at which we were hiking, the trees had barely begun to change although here and there, we'd come across something stunning......

 I am hoping that Bill will feel well enough at some point during round two that we might at least be able to get out and enjoy some fall foliage, something that is normally a huge part of our year, but this year has simply been forgotten.  The hike yesterday reminded me that life does go on, seasons change and while things in nature will lie dormant for awhile, new life is just waiting to spring forth in a few months.  Hmmmmm, surely there is something in there that I need to embrace!

Thanks, Pam!  It was a wonderfully therapeutic day for me.  I hope for more just like it in the future!

Bill has enjoyed a good week in which he has felt almost "normal."  His appetite returned quickly with a few odd exceptions of things that still taste like metal, but thankfully he has eaten well and regained much of the weight he lost those horrible nine days after round one.

He begins round two today.  We have spent a good bit of time with his Oncologist and talked about ways we think his nausea can be better managed this time, so we are hopeful that this round will go a little smoother than last.  But there are no two ways about it, chemo is rough and Bill's specific treatment protocol is agressive, so keep him in your thoughts and prayers over the next several days.  At least we know there is a reprieve and the worst will have passed in about nine days.

Our fall foliage is just about at peak here in the East Tennessee valley and with Bill feeling well, we have covered lots of ground looking at leaves the past couple of days.  I'll share some pictures in my next post along with an update as to how round two is going.

One last shot of my hike with Pam that I can't resist posting.  Pam enjoys photography and seems to me to be pretty good at it, but one thing is for sure.....she'll do most anything to get the shot she wants.  I loved this picture....it is so HER!!

 All for the shot of a Sassafras Tree

(which apparently aren't found in Wisconsin)

Since I'll have lots of quiet time this week while caring for Bill, tell me what's happening in your life that I can keep in my heart and thoughts!

Round One Is Behind Us

View From Bote Mountain Trail - GSMNP

October 28, 2013

For my precious blog friends who know me well enough to notice the date on the picture, YES, I did indeed, take that picture myself which means one thing.....I WENT HIKING YESTERDAY!  But that report will have to come later because too much else has happened in between my last post and yesterday.  But please know before you read on, that Bill's "recovery" period between chemo treatments did finally occur and the fact that I was able to hike yesterday means for the moment, things are going well!

I cannot thank you enough for your positive thoughts and well wishes from my last post. It was hard to write and the question always comes up regarding how much you REALLY want to share on a blog.  For me, the answer to that is found is the title of this blog.  I write about the gains and I write about the losses!  Thank you for staying with me through both!

There is no way to sugar-coat the fact that cancer is evil and chemo is hell!  We went through nine days of a misery neither of us have ever experienced and one that no one could adequately anticipate or prepare for.  We learned many things and it is our prayer (please make it yours as well) that those lessons will help during round two.  There is simply no need to go into a lot of detail here, but one thing we do know is that our love and support for anyone going through chemo or facing it has changed.  If you EVER, for as long as you read this blog or are in my life, have questions or have to face this, please know that I will be here to help in any way I can.  I will call you, I will email you, I will come to you if I can.   The good news for now is that we also know a "recovery" period does come.  We had our doubts those last couple of days when Bill was so ill.  And just as the doctor said,  it turns around quickly and the recovery period kicks in.  It really was as instant as being so sick he could hardly raise his head off the pillow to waking up the following morning, looking around and saying, "I feel different."  He will have had a week's reprieve before his next treatment period begins.

Having said all that, we've also learned much about chemo treatment itself.  There are currently more than 50 medications used as part of chemo "cocktails."  Every person is different, every patient is different, there is a different protocol for every type of malignancy.  We've heard many testimonies of people who were never sick, didn't lose their hair, never missed a beat and flew through the whole treatment process with flying colors.  Should you or a family member ever have to go through this, we would hope and pray that your treatment combination would be one with those kinds of results.  We were told from the beginning that Bill's treatment was considered one of the most aggressive, that his malignancy was better attacked with a "blast" and therefore, his side effects would be greater.  As of yesterday, he has lost his hair which we knew was a sure thing, but wasn't expected until sometime during round two.  Now that it has happened, we've both realized we were dreading how and when that would happen, so having it happen so quickly became a blessing in disguise.  It's over, it took me about five seconds to decide he looks kind of cute with the Mr. Clean thing going on and I cannot say enough about the stylist at his hair salon who wasn't phased when we flew in yesterday afternoon saying, "help!"

As for me, yes it was hard!  I did my crying while he was sleeping, but I make no bones about the pain of watching someone you love suffer so.  Many of you understand that feeling of knowing you'd trade places with them in a heartbeat if you could eliminate their pain.  I did lose weight - obviously, not in the correct way, but while he was so sick, I couldn't stomach the thoughts of eating anything myself plus doing anything that created an aroma was out of the question.  Fortunately, once his appetite returned, mine did as well.  Just wish he could gain the weight he lost as quickly as I've gained back the weight I lost.   Ahhh, but as we know, some things never change!

Thank you again for your comments and emails!  I will update as I can.  I thought I'd have more time to write and I probably did.  But I found that having the time to do it and finding the motivation to do it were two totally different things!

A New Journey Begins!

Big Creek Trail - Great Smoky Mountains National Park

April, 2013

Since no human has visited the GSMNP (legally, that is) since October 1, I bet there's a family of big black bears that have taken over this amazing lunch spot my hiking bud and I enjoyed last April.  It was a perfect day as the hike was worth every step and enabled me to mark another trail off my map that I'd been wanting to do for a long time.

This post brings answers to questions and news I'd hoped I wouldn't have to tell.  My sweet Bill has been diagnosed with a malignancy in his neck.  Because his explanation to a group of his friends is so much better than mine, I am going to copy and paste it below.  It is lengthy and if you choose not to read any further, please know that I understand completely.  The blogging community is unique in that we find each other through a common interest and develop a friendship from there.  You came to this blog looking for a weight loss/healthy living source of encouragement.  Some came because they enjoyed reading about our travels and my hiking.  Some came because you are our personal friends and for some odd reason, get a kick out of reading the stuff on my mind that comes out through my fingers. I am acutely aware that NONE of you came to read about a journey through cancer treatment.  I can't promise what this blog will be from this point forward.  I will be honored if you choose to stay no matter how much or how little I post, but I do understand if you choose otherwise.

Having said that, here is Bill's summary IN HIS OWN WORDS...............

I got sick, a tracheal irritation, the weekend of Labor Day from removing old 
carpet in our house that we are selling. The complications from this episode led 
the doctors to find a malignant growth in the right side of my neck. The two are 
not related. The coughing from the irritation burst some blood vessels in my 
neck on the right side and in treating this we found the tumor. My voice loss is 
due to the swelling from the blood and now from the tumor which was aggravated 
by the whole episode. These are pressing on the nerve to the vocal chord and it 
is temporarily paralyzed. The doctors assure me it will be totally functional 
when the tumor shrinks.

The prognosis is very positive for this type of malignancy and is totally 
curable when caught this early. I will begin chemo on Monday which will consist 
of three aggressive treatments over a nine week period. The tumor is expected to 
completely dissolve but if not then surgery to remove any remaining cells. 
Radiation will follow for good measure. The oncologist is working with me to 
keep me working and has graciously scheduled the treatments to allow me to be 
good to go for all of the performances with my college groups between now and 
the end of the semester. I really need to be able to work and continue with my 
passion through all of this!

I want you to know this because you are so dear to me and I know you will send 
good thoughts and prayers our way as we travel this road for the next few 
months. Don't be sad but rather rejoice with me that this is fixable. I am 
acutely aware that many, many people do not get this positive an outlook. How 
can I keep from singing!

What amazes me is these words are completely honest and sincere.  To say we are both stunned is putting it mildly.  No way did we EVER expect this and there was no indication of any problem.  We believe nothing happens by chance and we certainly believe that circumstances were orchestrated so that this would be found before it grew any more.  

Yes, we have both had complete meltdowns, but they don't last long and for the most part, we are just simply taking one day at a time, anxious to get his treatment started to see how he responds and looking forward to the excellent results we are told should happen.

In the way that works for your own faith journey, please remember Bill in these two very specific ways.  1) First and foremost, that the treatment works, and 2) that he is able to tolerate the chemo and continue to work.  This will be a solace for him and will keep him motivated.  He loves his work, he loves the students he teaches and he is at his finest when he is making music!  

I have no intentions of abandoning the blog, but neither do I make any promises of how often I will post.  It is quite possible I will use this as a means to document our journey down this road.  We will just have to see.  You have been here for me and have been a source of encouragement on so many levels for 3 1/2 years now.  How could I think this will be any different?

  

Playing The Waiting Game!

Morning View from Uncle Pete's Cabin at Rockhaven Farms

Mt. Juliet, Tennessee - September 22, 2013

NO ONE ENJOYS WAITING, BUT THERE IS VALUE IN THE PROCESS.....

Thanks so much from both of us to those who have written asking about Bill's health.  I am not surprised at the outpouring of support from the blog community, but Bill's surprise and appreciation has been fun to observe as he is not quite as deeply involved in this community as I have been for the past 3 1/2 years and he still is amazed at the bonds developed among people who have never even met in person.  I don't intend to devote this entire post to an update, but here is what we know at this point.  Basically, nothing!  The swelling in his neck has begun to decrease and doctors still believe that it is complications from coughing and that the laryngitis is a result of the swelling pressing on his right vocal chord.  We are assured that this is treatable and fixable.  But the question remains that the whole issue is very, VERY odd and they want to be absolutely certain that nothing else is going on in there.  He has had several tests, a CT Scan and is facing more testing this week since the results of the original tests were "inconclusive."  (Don't you just love that word?)  Thus, more waiting and more time without his voice.  Again, doctor assures us that attempting to use his voice as much as he can will NOT hurt and might possibly even be helpful.  But his voice is very hoarse and raspy with little volume and sometimes attempting to use it brings on more coughing, so he mostly whispers.  His incredible patience and grace throughout this ordeal is such an inspiration to me.  We've both had a couple of complete meltdowns, but sadly, it's more often been HIM encouraging me rather than the other way around.  

But there is so much value to be found in the process of waiting and I often wonder if that isn't one of main reasons these periods of adversity come our way.  Bill's kids at school have been so caring, patient and concerned.  The faculty and staff have been amazing.  As for me, I think I can safely say you'll never hear me complain again about Bill talking to much or dominating conversations.  Those of you who've met us, know that he is a total extrovert who simply loves people, loves a group and loves TO TALK!  Some of our most intense conversations arguments over the past 36 1/2 years have been my saying something to the effect of, "wouldn't it have been nice if someone else could've had a chance to say something?"  Right now, I don't care if anyone else ever has a chance to say something - I just want to hear HIS voice.  So for me, there has been value in reminding myself to take nothing for granted and appreciate every moment to the very fullest.  

IN THE MEANTIME............

Last weekend, we had to be in Nashville for Bill to attend a required meeting relating to his annual Travel Abroad program.  Long before he became ill, we had made reservations for the weekend in our favorite cabin, Uncle Pete's, at Rockhaven Farms in nearby Mt. Juliet.  Today's picture is an early morning view from the large picture window in Uncle Pete's and I've written many times before about what a haven this place has become for us.  While Bill attended his meeting in Nashville, my sister (who lives nearby) came over to the cabin for some sister time.  Our intent was some walking at the wonderful Long Hunter State Park which is just a few miles away, but mother nature had other ideas.  It had rained all night and the rain continued to pour, so we spent the entire time sitting on Uncle Pete's front porch...................

 September 21, 2013

..............enjoying the longest uninterrupted sister time I can ever remember since we've been adults.  It was glorious!   Between our parents (who live close to me) and her two daughters (who love their Aunt Sharon and Uncle Bill), suffice it to say, spending time just the two of us has been next to impossible.  We vowed to try and make it happen more often.  

This past weekend, Bill has felt better and his coughing seems to be improving, so we've enjoyed a couple of almost "normal" days.  Saturday found us dining al fresco at Mimi's Cafe for a decadent breakfast (on his part, I had my usual oatmeal) and to the hospital to visit a friend.  Both of these events are significant in that it has been weeks since we would have considered either because of Bill's constant coughing.  Following that, we visited a nearby nursery for more fall flowers and to Trader Joe's for some dinner fixings!  It was a wonderful Saturday!  

Sunday was spent quietly watching our church service broadcast and enjoying pizza with friends who we knew wouldn't mind an occasional bout of coughing.  Thankfully, these are becoming much, MUCH less frequent.  These are special friends who despite being on vacation all week last week, called or texted every single day to check on Bill.  

Before I close out this incredibly long (too long) post, please let me ask once again for your patience in neglecting YOU during this ordeal.  I've blogged long enough now that my long time blog friends know my routine and know that during hectic times, I tend to read blogs quickly just to keep up and not comment as often or as thoroughly.  But lately, I've picked up a few new "followers" (I prefer to call you friends) that I haven't even acknowledged and must confess I haven't even been around to visit YOUR blogs.  This is not my usual style and I promise to catch up as soon as I can.  I thank you so much for reading and making the commitment to read often by becoming a follower.  I do appreciate it and will visit you soon.

It would encourage me if you'd share a time you found value in a period of waiting!