Thursday, December 30, 2010
Help Me Explain!
Along the Venetian Waterway Bike Path - Venice, Florida
December 22, 2010
You are about to get a sneak preview of my 2011 New Year Philosophy. Rather than making New Year's Resolutions this year, I decided to adopt a new philosophy, then develop monthly strategies designed to help me along in the shift. But I've run into a problem and I need your help!
Mr. B and I have taken some long walks this week and he has done a lot of listening. I began early this week trying to explain and clarify my new philosophy to him and ask for his support. The problem is - he can't see it. No matter how I try to explain and give examples, he tells me he sees no difference between the two statements - they say the same thing to him.
I believe that once you read this statement, every one of you will smile, nod and agree that you know EXACTLY what I mean and the difference between the two lines. So I'm thinking maybe you can say it in a way that I can show him that will make it "click" in his mind. So how would YOU explain this to a normal eater at a normal weight with a normal appetite and no desire or tendency to EVER overeat?
FOOD WILL NO LONGER CONTROL MY LIFE.
MY LIFE WILL CONTROL FOOD!
Here are three approaches I've taken trying to get him to understand:
1) When you ask if we can have friends over for dinner Friday night and I say "no," you think it's because I don't want to put in the time to clean house, plan menus, go to the grocery store, etc., but that's not it at all. I don't want to have friends over Friday night because I am currently "on-plan" and don't want to deal with the temptation or take the risk of messing up. That is food controlling my life, NOT my life controlling food!
2) When we get ready to take a weekend trip and you ask if just this once, can we be spontaneous instead of planning every meal ahead of time and lugging a giant cooler, and I say "no," you think I'm being cheap. That's not it at all. I don't want to deal with restaurant temptations and portion control. I want to have all the "control" I need in that cooler. That is food controlling my life, NOT my life controlling food!
3) In 1982, when the American's With Disabilities Act was first passed, I was the Senior Vice President of Human Resources for a bank in our town. In training for understanding the ramifications of that act, we were taught that a disability is anything that "substantially impairs any one or more functions required to perform routine tasks necessary for daily living." (Please don't quote me on that - it's close, but that was a long time ago!!) My last ditch effort at explaining to Mr. B what this meant was to tell him that according to this definition, my relationship with food could be classified as a "disability" because it substantially impairs my ability to perform normal tasks and have normal relationships. Every decision I make and every thought I process is somehow related to food. That is food controlling my life, NOT my life controlling food!
He is not being obstinate. I've been married to him for 33 1/2 years - I know what obstinate looks like and this is not it! (Obstinate was when we got in the car at Adcock Pecans last week and he pulled out that box of "Turtles" he bought while I was in the restroom!) No, he truly doesn't get it and I need for him to understand before I have any hope of being successful - he is my cheering section and greatest supporter, but he has to know what he's cheering for. And he has to truly "get" that it's a whole lot deeper than just "stop eating." People like us (me and you) don't just meet a friend for coffee at Panera and are so excited about seeing the friend that we don't even notice what's in the bakery case, do we?
But I'm getting ahead of myself! This post is not about HOW I'm going to get to this new place - that will come in a couple of days. In fact, this post wasn't even intended until we got back from our walk a few minutes ago and it occurred to me that maybe one of you could explain in a way that would break through the mental block I seem to have created in his head. Would you at least give it a try?????
BTW, I'll give you one hint as to exactly HOW I plan to accomplish this shift of philosophy........................
Endangered Gopher Tortoise - Venice, FL
December 22, 2010
VERY SLOWLY AND QUITE DELIBERATELY, JUST LIKE THIS TURTLE!
Any suggestions, examples, feedback will be greatly appreciated. Maybe there will be a grand prize of some sort for the person who provides the comment that makes it "click" with Mr. B! Thanks, friends!