Welcome Home - Reality Sets In!!

Yes, these are real!   Aren't they beautiful?

Poppyies growing beside a home in Durango, Colorado - June, 2011

By the end of this post, you are probably going to think I've spent a considerable amount of time rolling around in an entire field of poppies, but that's not the case.  Unfortunately, I am very much of a sound mind sitting in my den in Tennessee.   We had a wonderful trip home from Colorado and once more, if you are interested in reading about the things we saw and did during that four days, here's a link to the journal I kept for our family and friends.

Bill & Sharon's 2011 Summer Trip

But this morning, reality came crashing down and from this point forward, this post can't help but reflect the discouragement that hit me square between the eyes.  I'm feeling a lot more like the dude on the right than whoever that "adorable" (thanks, Karen) cutie is on the left.

Those wide eyes and grimace are exactly what was on my face when I stepped on the scales about 6:15 a.m. this morning.   Yes, I expected a gain as evidenced by the fact that this daily weigher had not been on the scales since last Wednesday morning, but no way did I EVER expect it to be SEVEN pounds.  Yep, that's every pound that I had lost while in Colorado right back on in five days.  I was expecting two, maybe three, pounds, but SEVEN?????   No way - but there it was.

Am I angry?   Perhaps.  Because it is one of those days when it just doesn't seem fair.  But then, the reality of it is that it ISN'T fair.  Life isn't fair and we all know that.  The reality of it is that I always have and always will have a sluggish metabolism that gains weight VERY quickly even when I don't perceive that I'm eating large quantities of food.  That is what seems so unfair.  Have I binged?  Absolutely not.  Have I overeaten?  Not excessively.   Have I eaten when I wasn't hungry, late at night or extra snacking?  Not really.   So yes, I'm a little angry, but mostly just frustrated.  Frustrated at how this struggle just seems so endless.

So what's the deal??  Here's the good news and another opportunity for me to thank you, my blog friends for the care and support you've given me over the past year as I've struggled with so many issues regarding my weight and the "whys" of it.   Because I've learned so very much.   I know what has happened, I know what to do and best of all, I caught it in five days!!!   

1)  My body HAS to move.  This is a non-negotiable!  And I went from hiking/biking/walking an average of 15,000 steps per day for six weeks to multiple days of being almost completely sedentary.  Four of them were spent riding in a car which is even worse.  And once we were home, it was so hot, humid and stormy that I couldn't bring myself to go outside.  This was a huge adjustment after the cool temps and cloudless blue skies in Colorado.  But my body HAS to move or it WILL gain weight no matter what I eat or don't eat.  Thanks to Mr. B who suggested that we walk in the mall each morning before he goes to school.  He's such a sweetheart, knows how I HATE walking in the mall, but will do just about whatever to help me.  This was his idea and we started this morning.

2)  I cannot eat at restaurants on a regular basis.  I simply do not (and may not EVER) have the discipline.  Arriving back at home after being gone for 6 1/2 weeks brought an immediate onslaught of invitations for dinner out or dinner at someone's home.  From Wednesday evening through last night, we did not eat one single meal at home except breakfast.  I did not want to do this and I tried to make good choices, but this is a no-win scenario for someone who gains weight as easily as I do.

3)  Psychologically, having "choices" taken away from me made me mad and that "anger" led to "I'm being forced to do things I don't want to do, so to heck with it."  Longtime readers of this blog will remember a series of posts I wrote on this very topic a long time ago.  I do NOT react well to being "forced" into eating situations not of my choosing and that anger translates into a "these people are forcing me to do things I don't want to do, so who gives a rip."  I am so much better than I used to be (thanks to writing it all out a long time ago), but I HAVE to learn to say "no!"  And I don't mean "no" once I'm already into a situation I don't want to be in.  I mean "no" to the invitation altogether or "no" that's not acceptable - we need to choose something else.  I know my limits and I know my reactions.  Those who truly care about me in my "real" world know my struggles and will adjust if I'll just have the courage to use that two-letter word "no."  Sometimes that stance seems harsh and selfish, but it's a two-way street and those who aren't willing to meet me halfway should probably tell me something about that relationship to start with!

And here's the plan:

1)  1200 calories per day.  This works for me.  Less in not enough nutritionally.  More does not result in losses.  Right now, I'm not going to obsess over exactly what those 1200 calories are.  I'm going for as much "bulk" calories as I can in order to stay full, but I am naturally a nutritious eater so will gravitate towards "good" stuff as a rule.  With the exception of bread and crackers, no argument can be found with WHAT I eat.  I just eat way too much.  And even a perfect eating plan can backfire if portion control is not closely monitored.  I will weigh and measure meticulously. 

2)  12,000 steps per day.  I normally strive for 10,000 daily, but am increasing that to help jumpstart.  Mr. B is a lifesaver.  I despise walking in the mall, but his going with me at 7:30 a.m. makes for great communication time and the stores in the mall have not yet opened, so its actually quite peaceful.  Getting the exercise done early in the morning is also a huge plus for me.  That leads to #3.................

3)  Visit BlogLand and write posts in the afternoon.  This is a routine I established last year and boy, does it work well for me.  My most difficult period of the day is late afternoon through dinner time.  I am most likely to overeat, snack or binge during this time.  I discovered that if I wrote my posts, read other blogs and sought out new blogs during this "tough" time of the day, it served as a huge encouragement to me.  I need to reestablish this habit and KEEP it.  But darn it, I love reading your posts first thing in the morning, so I may cheat on that one a bit.

4)  No white flour, no sugar.  Eliminating these two items will result in an immediate loss.  Neither are my current "triggers," but both have been consumed lately.

5)  Water, water, water  I'm good at this as water is my drink of choice, but there's always room for improvement and it is so darn HOT here that no amount of water is too much!

6)  Track progress in blog.  Haven't decided yet exactly how I will do this, but I'll keep you posted (and ME accountable) for how I'm doing.

Today has been easy once I got over the shock of stepping on the scales this morning.  Remember, I was expecting a gain, so had already begun psyching myself up for what I knew I had to do.  It was just that doggone SEVEN pounds.  What dufus (me!!) can gain seven pounds in five days and not realize it?

It's been a tough reentry all the way around!   The painters had begun painting our house from the April 27th hailstorm only to find some extensive water damage around our chimney that we, nor the insurance adjuster, had realized was there.  So our repair work is going to take more time and be quite a larger headache than what we had originally anticipated.  I am SO glad we didn't know that before we left!!

I am excited to be fully back in BlogLand and can't wait to get back to a regular routine of posting and commenting.  I've read frequently, so I know what's going on with most of you, but have done very little commenting.  Thanks for all your encouragement.  I value it highly.

So where are you in your journey right now?   Are you making progress, suffering through a tough patch or feeling like you are at the bottom of the barrel?   Bring me up to date............................