It's Time!

Middle Prong - Great Smoky Mountains National Park

January 20, 2017

I’m not sure how today became the right time, I just knew that I would know!  It has been almost a year and a half since I have posted on Gains & Losses, yet I’ve never been tempted to take down the blog because I always knew there would come a time I’d be ready to blog again.  It isn’t that I haven’t been writing – my journals and my Facebook page are full of my ramblings.  But the blog felt different and until now, it just didn’t feel “right.”

Why now?  Perhaps it’s that I don’t feel quiet as vulnerable as I did during those days of deep grief following Bill’s death (that’s still so hard to write).  Perhaps, it’s just that I miss the friendships that had been created through the blog and I’d like to see if any of you are still there and maybe start finding some new ones.  I loved reading posts and developing friendships from people all over the world through the blog and learning what life was like where they lived.  My life is completely different now and what I write will be completely different. 

For anyone reading for the first time, my story can be found in previous blog posts, but a good starting point might be early in 2013. (Archived posts on left of blog)  It was August of 2013 that my sweet husband and best friend was shockingly diagnosed with cancer.  He fought a valiant battle for 18 months, but died on March 18, 2015.  I simply cannot comprehend the fact that it has been almost two years.  I expect much of what I write will reflect my journey since that day and how I have changed.  As always, mostly I write for me, but always with a view of encouragement for anyone reading who might be traveling a similar road.

I guess you might say I’m doing o.k.  The days fly by, I stay busy, I have begun traveling again, something I questioned in those early days of deep grief whether I’d ever be able to enjoy without Bill.  It was so much a part of who we were and what we most enjoyed doing.  But my travel these days is different and there will be much to write about that!  My “community” at home has widened considerably and I can say without a doubt that I could not have weathered these last two years without them.  As I wrote about in THIS post, my faith, my family and my friends have carried when I didn’t think I had the strength to go on. 

Yes, I still have the pink and blue chairs you saw so often with Bill and me in them!

On this gorgeous January day, they held myself and a friend going through a hard time.

We shared both laughter and tears. Life is wonderful, but life is hard!

 January 20, 2017

 

My health has suffered and I am paying for bad habits developed when I simply didn’t have the energy or stamina to care what I ate or how I treated my body.  Thankfully, those days are behind me and once again, I DO care.  I care very much, but the piper has to be paid and it will take a long time to get back to the healthy weight and strong body I had. The extra weight, lack of exercise and poor nutrition have aggravated the Rheumatoid Arthritis which I wrote about so often, so now am working with my Rheumatologist to try and get that pain back under control.  To say I don't feel good and am in a good bit of pain would be fairly accurate.  I’m also a few years older and have had lived through tremendous stress so it’s possible I’ll never be back to where I was in 2012 when I both looked and felt better than I ever had.  But I will try!

As was always my bad habit, this post is already too long, but it feels good to just ramble.  We’ll see if there is anyone out there to read.