Monday, January 17, 2011
Two souls pondering all that happened in 2010 and what might be waiting for us in 2011.
Venice, Florida - December, 2010
I have been totally sidelined since last Friday with a monster of a sinus infection. This is nothing new for me. Overall, I am an extremely healthy person with stats (other than my weight) most people envy, but I do have two chronic health conditions which have plagued me most of my adult life. Extreme sinus and allergy problems is one of them - the other I will write about in an upcoming post. I did not see this sinus infection coming although I suspect it might have been triggered by our having a constant fire going in our fireplace during the three days we were snowed in early last week. But I truly believe it's the WORST one I've ever had and I can't wait to talk to my doctor this morning and get some real drugs! On the other hand, I despise taking antibiotics because it means no sleep for me and a host of other problems throughout the duration. However, it's also the only thing that works when it gets this bad. I began feeling a tiny bit better late yesterday afternoon and am hoping to get this post written before the headache and dizzy's kick back in this morning!
Things are about to change in a big way. We can all write about our "wake-up calls!" But for me, I had the biggest one of my life a couple of days ago. It won't seem like such a big deal to you, but trust me, it took my breath away and then I literally fell apart with remorse.
Here's is a short summary of where I am right now. I've struggled mightily since last August. The holidays were not kind to me. I have gained weight since the new year. Yes, I've been on a voyage of discovery and made great progress. But with the "wake-up" call, I determined that the voyage of discovery AND a set plan for consistent weight loss progress can and must co-exist peacefully. For me, they cannot be mutually exclusive. In other words, I can't wait until I have all the emotional issues worked out in a practical way before I "start" losing weight again. In doing that, working on the emotional side of it becomes just another excuse. And excuses was what I was making when the "wake-up" call happened!
Mr. B, whom I could not love any more than I do and who loves me unconditionally, has lived with me and my weight issues for 35 1/2 years (33 1/2 married, 2 dating) now. NEVER has he been critical of my weight or my constant obsession with it. He has loved me when I've been depressed over it and he has beamed with pride when I've been at goal. He has tried his best to understand something that his "normal" eating mind simply can't fathom and he has supported me no matter what ridiculous idea for losing weight I come up with next! But Friday evening, that all changed with a quiet simple statement that rocked my world.
We were sitting in the den following a delicious healthy dinner that he had prepared. I already knew I was sick, but that didn't stop me from craving one of my trigger foods (microwave kettle popcorn) that was in the pantry where it never should've been to start with. It talked to me and talked to me until finally I got up, fixed it and walked back in the den with the whole bag. This was probably less than 30 minutes after a delicious dinner - I couldn't POSSIBLY have been hungry. This was also after an incident Thursday evening where we ate dinner out and I refused to go where he wanted to eat because "I can't stay on plan" there. When I walked back into the den with the bag of popcorn, he looked at me and said, "I'm not there yet, but I'm getting very close to being sick and tired of your inconsistency." Let me tell you, in all those years, I don't think he's ever said or done a single thing that hurt more. Because you better believe that for him to have even said it meant that he most certainly WAS there! And it was the "wake-up" call I needed.
Bottom line is: you can wallow around in discovery, emotional eating, mindfulness, intuition, yada, yada, yada, from now on, but the fact remains that there HAS to be a plan for consistent weight loss. And that plan has to include some guidelines that work for you. And you can't wait until all the "issues" are settled before working the plan. So while I continue reading and soaking up and working really hard on the "issues" (and there are many!!), here is the plan!
Today is Mr. B's birthday. What better gift can I give to him than the promise of "no more inconsistency." My birthday is July 30. On my birthday, he and I will celebrate the fact that I have reached goal weight. This is easily doable with an average loss of five pounds or less per month. I will do it in the way that has always worked for me. Counting calories, tracking my food intake and walking/hiking/biking as my primary form of exercise.
Calorie intake will be 1200-1500 daily with most days closer to 1200. I will use CalorieCount.com (thanks, Tish) to track my nutrition totals and I will walk at least 10,000 steps per day at a pace which burns calories. As soon as our weather breaks and I get over this horrid sinus infection, I will hope to hike at least once a week. For accountability, I would like to tell you what I've eaten each day and record the stats. I'll probably start another page to do that as I have too many other things I want to write about to use the main posting page. Using another page gives you the option of looking at it if you want or not!
Here's the other thing that I will do and I hope this will reflect how important this is to me because I think every one of you know how much I DON"T want to do this. If this plan does not work and I remain unfocused and inconsistent, I will pull the blog at least temporarily. I have put it all out there and made myself accountable. If that isn't enough to keep me focused, then my reason for starting the blog no longer exists and it's time to stop.
My reward: Well, the look on Mr. B's face will be more than enough. But in the event I need something else, I would LOVE to attend a blog conference and meet some of the people I've come to hold in such high esteem. Plus, the list of workshops and seminars at some of these conferences look so fun and exciting.
So there you have it. I've suspected for a while that Mr. B had somewhat lost interest in the blog and now I think I know why! But as soon as he gets up this morning, I'll sing Happy Birthday to him and ask him to read this post. And then I'll begin my six month and fifteen day odyssey to goal weight!
Help me, BlogWorld friends! I'm going to need you!
O.K. now my head is pounding, the room is spinning and my teeth hurt again. Time to call the doctor, beg for drugs and head back to the couch.