Friday, October 29, 2010
Abe, Do I Have To Be Honest?
Abe and I are having a little heart-to-heart discussion!
October 18, 2010
You can plainly see that I'm having no impact in my discussions with Mr. B regarding his frequent "butt" shots. However, I'll have to say that I liked this one. How he managed to get it with no one else in it is beyond me. The place was packed with tourists! But the moment I saw this picture, I knew a "honest Abe" post was coming. And this is it!
This blog has now been in existence for 5 1/2 months. I started it with no expectations whatsoever other than the hopes that it would help me stay focused on losing the pounds I had regained from my 65 pound weight loss in 2006-2007. The almost immediate rewards were "followers" and my joy in learning your stories. I have found friendship that has been an overwhelming blessing and such a unexpected surprise. I plan to blog for a long, long time! But to be honest, the reason I began the blog in the first place just hasn't happened. My weight is still basically the same - progress has been neither forward nor backward. I've learned a lot and through my writing, have uncovered some "issues" that are now out there for me to continue exploring, but still the bottom line is I have lost no weight. And I'm tired!
I'm tired of every waking thought being about food. I'm tired of every decision being about food. I'm tired of getting near the end of a month and dreading the weight because it is the one that has to go on the sidebar in the blog. I'm tired of asking Mr. B to work HIS life around what/where I can or cannot eat at any given moment. Do you get the picture? I'm just TIRED!
I finally have begun reading Geneen Roth's, "Women, Food and God" and am not quite half way through it, but I can already tell you this. Would I love to eat in this way for the rest of my life? Of course, who wouldn't? And for many of you, the mindful eating approach seems to be working. Perhaps, I picked exactly the WRONG time to read this book! My friend, Karen, at Waisting Time, wrote two posts about this book if you are interested. I'm sure I'll be writing more as I work my way through the book. But it seems right now as if it is providing more fodder for discouragement than anything else, because this is exactly the way I want to approach healthy eating, but as I've said before, my "stop, when full" button does not function and I've found no evidence I'll ever be able to repair it.
With very few exceptions even in this time of discouragement, my eating is healthy! I can truthfully say, that there is absolutely NOTHING in the house right now which would not qualify as a reasonably healthy food. My problem is all about quantity, not quality. Most of the time, my mini-binges are even healthy (i.e. nuts, triscuits, fruit, protein bars, peanut butter)! It's all about the quantity and until I find the power to exercise portion control and not eat it just because it's there, I will not lose the remainder of this weight.
On the other hand, I will not be satisfied until I do. Yes, at my current weight, I am just inside the "normal" BMI category for my height. I could decide to stay here! But I also know that my goal of 138 is reasonable and my body likes it there. It's been there before and I felt SOOOOOO good. No, stopping is not an option.
So, I keep on keeping on. I know what works for me and my key word is still DETERMINED. I am hoping you'll stay with me even when the posts aren't all "yeah, rah" I lost x number of pounds this week. I am not a wishy-washy sort of person and right now, I'm just kind of feeling as if that's the word that would describe the tone of my posts. That doesn't set well with me, but in my heart-to-heart with Abe, I asked what he thought about it. Should I just be really quiet on the blog and keep this all to myself until I could once again write upbeat posts with tons of progress or should I trust my BlogLand friends enough to be honest and hope, that in some way, my thoughts would touch something happening in their lives as well?
Here's what Abe said to me:
The dogmas of the quiet past are inadequate to the stormy present. The occasion is piled high with difficulty, and we must rise with the occasion. As our case is new, so we must think anew and act anew.
I am for those means which will give the greatest good to the greatest number.
The probability that we may fail in the struggle ought not to deter us from the support of a cause we believe to be just.
It IS a struggle for me. It always will be. I am DETERMINED, I will not fail! I will reach goal!
Hot 100 Challenge Update:
1) Reach my goal weight of 138 on or before December 31, 2010. I am eliminating this goal because it is not doable. Will replace it next week with a reasonable goal.
2) I will eat nothing containing white sugar, white flour or trans fats. Not perfect, but o.k.
3) I will walk 10,000 steps every day or an average of 10,000 steps over seven days. Done
4) I will not eat between meals or after 7 p.m. Again, not perfect, but did o.k.
We are headed to our "spur of the moment " getaway, Biltmore Estate in western North Carolina, for the weekend and staying in a Bed and Breakfast we've enjoyed in the past. However, it does not provide internet, so probably no more posts until Monday.
Even in my discouragement, I am happy when your journey is moving forward and care deeply when it is not. Please be honest (remember Abe wants you to be)! Would you describe your journey as stuck in a rut, moving backward or progressing quite nicely?