Friday, October 29, 2010

Abe, Do I Have To Be Honest?

Abe and I are having a little heart-to-heart discussion!
October 18, 2010

You can plainly see that I'm having no impact in my discussions with Mr. B regarding his frequent "butt" shots.  However, I'll have to say that I liked this one.  How he managed to get it with no one else in it is beyond me.  The place was packed with tourists!  But the moment I saw this picture, I knew a "honest Abe" post was coming.  And this is it!

This blog has now been in existence for 5 1/2 months.  I started it with no expectations whatsoever other than the hopes that it would help me stay focused on losing the pounds I had regained from my 65 pound weight loss in 2006-2007.  The almost immediate rewards were "followers" and my joy in learning your stories.  I have found friendship that has been an overwhelming blessing and such a unexpected surprise.  I plan to blog for a long, long time!  But to be honest, the reason I began the blog in the first place just hasn't happened.  My weight is still basically the same - progress has been neither forward nor backward.  I've learned a lot and through my writing, have uncovered some "issues" that are now out there for me to continue exploring, but still the bottom line is I have lost no weight.  And I'm tired!  

I'm tired of every waking thought being about food.  I'm tired of every decision being about food.  I'm tired of getting near the end of a month and dreading the weight because it is the one that has to go on the sidebar in the blog.  I'm tired of asking Mr. B to work HIS life around what/where I can or cannot eat at any given moment.  Do you get the picture?  I'm just TIRED!  

I finally have begun reading Geneen Roth's, "Women, Food and God" and am not quite half way through it, but I can already tell you this.  Would I love to eat in this way for the rest of my life?  Of course, who wouldn't?  And for many of you, the mindful eating approach seems to be working.   Perhaps, I picked exactly the WRONG time to read this book!  My friend, Karen, at Waisting Time, wrote two posts about this book if you are interested.  I'm sure I'll be writing more as I work my way through the book.  But it seems right now as if it is providing more fodder for discouragement than anything else, because this is exactly the way I want to approach healthy eating, but as I've said before, my "stop, when full" button does not function and I've found no evidence I'll ever be able to repair it.  

With very few exceptions even in this time of discouragement, my eating is healthy!  I can truthfully say, that there is absolutely NOTHING in the house right now which would not qualify as a reasonably healthy food.  My problem is all about quantity, not quality.  Most of the time, my mini-binges are even healthy (i.e. nuts, triscuits, fruit, protein bars, peanut butter)!  It's all about the quantity and until I find the power to exercise portion control and not eat it just because it's there, I will not lose the remainder of this weight.  

On the other hand, I will not be satisfied until I do.   Yes, at my current weight, I am just inside the "normal" BMI category for my height.  I could decide to stay here!  But I also know that my goal of 138 is reasonable and my body likes it there.  It's been there before and I felt SOOOOOO good.  No, stopping is not an option.  

So, I keep on keeping on.  I know what works for me and my key word is still DETERMINED.  I am hoping you'll stay with me even when the posts aren't all "yeah, rah" I lost x number of pounds this week.  I am not a wishy-washy sort of person and right now, I'm just kind of feeling as if that's the word that would describe the tone of my posts.  That doesn't set well with me, but in my heart-to-heart with Abe, I asked what he thought about it.   Should I just be really quiet on the blog and keep this all to myself until I could once again write upbeat posts with tons of progress or should I trust my BlogLand friends enough to be honest and hope, that in some way, my thoughts would touch something happening in their lives as well?   

Here's what Abe said to me:

The dogmas of the quiet past are inadequate to the stormy present. The occasion is piled high with difficulty, and we must rise with the occasion. As our case is new, so we must think anew and act anew. 
I am for those means which will give the greatest good to the greatest number. 

The probability that we may fail in the struggle ought not to deter us from the support of a cause we believe to be just. 

It IS a struggle for me.   It always will be.   I am DETERMINED,   I will not fail!   I will reach goal!

Hot 100 Challenge Update:
1)  Reach my goal weight of 138 on or before December 31, 2010.  I am eliminating this goal because it is not doable.  Will replace it next week with a reasonable goal.
2)  I will eat nothing containing white sugar, white flour or trans fats. Not perfect, but o.k.
3)  I will walk 10,000 steps every day or an average of 10,000 steps over seven days.  Done
4)  I will not eat between meals or after 7 p.m. Again, not perfect, but did o.k.
We are headed to our "spur of the moment " getaway, Biltmore Estate in western North Carolina, for the weekend  and staying in a Bed and Breakfast we've enjoyed in the past.  However, it does not provide internet, so probably no more posts until Monday. 
Even in my discouragement, I am happy when your journey is moving forward and care deeply when it is not.  Please be honest (remember Abe wants you to be)!   Would you describe your journey as stuck in a rut, moving backward or progressing quite nicely?


  1. Your post could have been written my me! Oh my goodness, my story is so similar!! I have been STUCK after a huge loss and have been slowly climbing. Started the blog to help but still am stuck, haven't really gained though so that's good. I eat healthy, no fast food and not a lot of junk (usually) but still TOO much! We have to kick it up and JUST GET FOCUSED! It's time to flip that switch and get it in our heads! Look at all the time we've wasted! Let's not waste any more!! :-)

  2. I barely lost a pound for a few months over the summer. I don't consider it wasted time though. During that time, I ate healthy food and listened to my body. I learned a lot about myself, and having gone through that time, I am no longer as frightened about the day when I reach goal and have to maintain.

    Just because the weight isn't coming off doesn't mean you're not progressing. Part of this journey is about changing your body, but the other part is about changing your mind.

    At this point, I've found a new focus and am nicely and steadily losing again, but none of my journey has been wasted, even the months when I lost nothing.

  3. I am really disappointed in my WI today however I know that I'm on the right track and, like you, I have to continue to be determined. Good for you for having a chat w/ Abe! :)

  4. Sharon, I've found that it is so very hard to lose weight! I use to be that person who could eat anything and as much as I wanted without gaining even an ounce! I weighed 108* forever, well, until the birth of my last baby..and I've had 4 childeren. Now, I have gained a bunch of weight and am a weight watcher meeting's lady! I made my weight watcher's goal weight once, but now I've gained all but 7# back of my starting weight.. Now, I've got those 26# to lose all over again!! So discouraging!! I am a lifetime member of weight watcher's and I do know it works. I've just got to disapline myself when it comes to my eating of sweets and watch my portion sizes.. I think we all get very discouraged when it comes to our losing weight, but... we've got to persevere, and continue to stay positive.. We'll make it, it's just going to take some time.. It took a while to put all our extra weight on, and it will take awhile to get it all off, and I believe that it goes on a whole bunch easier than what it comes off too!! I know I've been where you are, and it does get discouraging, but... hang in there! The weight will and does come off!! Even on those times that you don't have a weight loss or you may gain a little bit, don't throw in the towel.. we've all been there, and can understand where you're coming from for sure!!


  5. Sharon, First--"Me, too!" To all of it. sigh.

    I know that a lot of people only write positive things on their blogs. And they chastise--in an oh so postive way--those who do hazard to share some things that are difficult or sound like failure.

    They tell them to THINK POSITVE! And in the process totally demean--a most unpositive action--the blogger's feelings and struggle.

    Here's my take on that--Stating the truth is always positive. Even if the truth is admitting difficulty. And spinning everything into a positive-sounding light--sometimes spins out all of the truth along with the dirty water.

    So what good is it? Lying to myself to sound chipper doesn't help me--and it hinders my readers. They believe a lie--and walk away thinking that something is wrong with them for not being as successful as their positive bloggy friends.

    Some people have inordinate difficulty with difficult facts, so avoid them in order to protect themselves from despair. Others must face difficult facts--in order to protect themselves from the despair that results via avoidance. shrug. We're all different.

    Anyway, when my blog becomes just surface chit-chat because I'm trying to be positive, it has lost its power. It becomes more evidence to me that I'm just not making the grade. Avoidance does not work for me.

    So, you write what you need to write on YOUR blog to get where you need to go. I, for one, will gladly come along. :D

    I'm dreading this end-of-month weigh-in, too. My unofficial steps onto the scale have shown a 10 pound gain in the last two weeks! :O That would wipe out my whole summer. It certainly tells me that gluten binges are not working for me. sigh. goan.

    We're gonna do this thing, Sharon, we are! (But probably not Geneen's way.)


    If you find tons of typos, sorry. I did check and make numerous corrections. Something is wrong--not all of my keystrikes are registering.

  6. Sharon, no matter how distressed you are at this moment, take another hard look at your sidebar and see that you are still 45.5 pounds lighter than your heaviest weight. You've kept that off for 4 years, a remarkable accomplishment. For all of us struggling, it probably never gets truly easy. I have days, like today, where I feel powerful and in control, and other days when I feel a little frantic. You notice I didn't say "where I feel like quitting," because the wonderful thing is that I NEVER feel like quitting anymore. Each time I have gotten discouraged, I not only dig down and self-examine, but I also reread many of my favorite bloggers posts, looking for their moments of strength to help me. Come on, didn't you promise to hold my hand, too? We can do this!

  7. Determination will see you all the way through--past the obstacles, over the bumps, beyond the internal struggles. It certainly doesn't pay to gloss over any of that, but it does help to remain focused on the ultimate goal. Which you're doing beautifully. :)

  8. Today I am moving forward. Last week I definitely went backwards. Okay, for months I have been going back and forth and up and down. Enough. And as for Geneen - look at Oprah with all the money in the world for personal trainers and chefs and she totally got what Geneen was saying and yet, clearly she is still struggling too. At least we are all in great company:)

  9. I understand how you feel, as I've felt the same before and sometimes still do. Last night, I was telling my running friend that I don't think the weight is coming off as fast because I'm a lot more comfortable with my body now. I'm happy with the progress that I've made. But I still want more - I just have to work harder for it. I'm less cautious about what I eat right now. Over summer, I didn't lose much (if any). I'm finally starting to lose again, but it's in smaller amounts that don't feel like a loss.

    I wouldn't scrap your hot 100 goal. Who cares if it doesn't seem realistic now? As long as if you are still working towards your goal, that is all that matters. This weight loss thing is a journey. I've realized that it takes a lifestyle change to ultimately keep the wight off that lifestyle changes occurs daily whether you are at your goal weight or not is really irrelevant because once you are there you need a healthy lifestyle to maintain.

    I know you eat healthy, I know you exercise. The real question is, what can you do differently that might bring results? Have you thought about getting personal training or a nutrition coach?

    Oh and I enjoy your blog, even if you don't have a lot of weight loss results. It's positive, encouraging, interesting and you are living a healthy lifestyle...

  10. Sharon,
    I am so sorry. Discouragement is the worst. It is hard to overcome. I think we all struggle with it.

    I also struggle with wanting to put the most positive spin on things. I don't want to be the source of someone else's discouragement, but I want to be real.

    I, too, feel like all I've done for months is flounder. Sometimes, I wonder if blogging makes me feel like I'm doing something towards my goal and becoming a distraction rather than an assistance.

    I wish I had some fabulous cure all for you, but sadly, all I know to say is this - Keep doing what you know to be right. The weight loss will fall in to place.

    Your friends are here to support you in good times and bad. (I changed that from 'not so good')

  11. I'm in a rut right now, but I REFUSE to stay here. I like your determination at the end of the post.

    Have a great weekend! We can DO this, friend.

  12. Oh its so easy to get side-tracked by following links on commenters and pretty soon you forgot where you started from!

    Anyway, I am going to write along this topic on my blog probably this weekend. Lots of food for thought!

  13. I am happy to say that at this point in time I am continuing to move forward!

    Of course it hasn't always been this way. I have struggled with my weight and disordered eating my entire adult life and finally in my 50's I am starting to figure it out.

    Dr Phil says that our weight issues are "managed" not "cured." I find comfort in that saying because on days when I don't make the best food choices I don't feel like I have failed. I no longer subscribe to a rigid set of rules that I must follow exactly in order to feel like I am a success.

    I use to try and be the "perfect dieter" and if I was the least little bit short of that I thought I had failed and there was no hope of me every beating my issues with being over weight. I thought is was all about will power. I have since learned it is not.

    Finally I figured out that for me, if I didn't deal with the emotional part of it, I would never be able to maintain a healthy weight.

    The path for each of us is different and we have to find the balance that works for us.

    I found Geneen Roth's book to be helpful as well as Kessler's book "The End Of Overeating" and I did post reviews of them on my blog. I like Dr Oz's book, "You On A Diet" and Dr Phils weight loss book. I learned good information that made a difference to me in each of these books.

    I think you have made great progress! It isn't all about the number on the scale. When you get the emotional part headed in the right direction it seems like the weight loss follows.

    This is your blog, your story and I will keep coming back to support you!

  14. Sharon,

    I find this "reality check" of yours to be very appealing due to its honesty.

    Not that I don't think you've been an honest person - quite the contrary! But, I do think that no matter how positive and determined we are, we can still be stuck. I've spent years in "stuck."

    I started my blog about losing weight and I haven't written about it in a long time because it's been months since I've lost an ounce.(Not just stuck but going backwards - ugghhh!)

    Overall, I, too, am sick of obsessing about every occasion and morsel of food in my life. What a waste of my mind. Trying to escape that prison and be happy with myself as I am. A few extra pounds do not define me. That's my new motto. It's hard enough to be over fifty; I don't need to hate myself, too.

    Sorry for the rambling. See what your post evoked? Let's hang in there, and be ourselves, whatever weight that may be.


  15. Oh Sharon, I have spent the greater part of the last year stuck in a rut. I am going for my annual physical in two weeks and and I now a few pounds heavier than I was a year ago. Part of starting the Hot 100 up again this year was to kick my but back in gear. I think I have begun to get out of the rut, but I am still struggling.

    Sometimes we just have to make ourselves just a little more uncomfortable than we have been so we can move to the next level. Is it hard? Yep. I am not saying this is what you need to do, but it is certainly what I need to do.

  16. This post was written for me. I, too, am tired. It's discouraging and a bit depressing. But I know both of us will get back on track. I apologize for saying this, but it's nice to know I'm not alone in my struggle.

  17. I'm really glad you started blogging just 5.5 months ago. I've enjoyed reading your journey. The weight will come down when you are ready. I think it sounds like this may be the time!

  18. Sharon. Just look how far you have come. Just look at all that you've done. Yes, a person gets so they hate even thinking about counting calories, about the thought of exercising but you've come so far it's just natural for you to fall back into it again. You had to take some time off to just be and now it sounds like it may be the time to start all over again and at least you don't have to start in the beginning, you get to start over 1/2 there. YEAH!!! for you.
    Thank you so much for stopping by. I so love'd your comment.
    You take care and I hope you great mimi vacation with that wonderful hubby of yours.
    Have a great week and God Bless!!

  19. HI Sharon,
    I hope you're out "having fun" and taking pics! It really WAS fun, but it was also quite intimidating. But I'm glad that I did it. Looking forward to hearing about your fun!
    (and seeing pics?!)