December 30, 2009 - 16 pounds heavier than now
................and if she doesn't stop singing soon, she's going to be right back where she was in the picture above. I know all of the things you've said are true. Yes, I've experienced pain, stress, overwhelming grief, numbing exhaustion, fear of the unknown, dread of how we would handle death when it actually happened, etc, etc, etc. Yes, I must give myself time to recover and yes, I know I will turn this around and get back on track. But for crying out loud, what's up with this out of control, if it's in my pantry, I have to eat it, all out binge? I've eaten everything from chocolate chips (thanks a lot, whoever mentioned them) to copious amounts of bagels (remember the ones we bought in Boone, NC back in May??), to three kinds of yummy, fluffy sugar filled "salads" back at my MIL's (you know the kind full of cool whip, jello, nuts, cream cheese, etc) to Honey-baked ham and fried chicken......guess you get the picture. Oh, and after taking MIL to several places she need to go this morning, she took me to Olive Garden for lunch where I enjoyed several bowls of soup and after round one of salad, I just told the server to hand me that gigantic bowl they bring it in and not even bother with a salad bowl. (BTW, I am just kidding about that!!)
I truly thought I was o.k. When I went to bed last night, I thought I had recovered the resolve that has served me so well for several months now. I'm seriously afraid. One minute I think I'm o.k. and the next minute my mind is back in the pantry or out in the freezer. I happen to know there are NINE more of those bagels.
Help me friends. It was really hard to write that first paragraph because I have it in my mind that none of you have had a serious relapse like this where you were eating stuff as fast as your mind can figure out where to find what you were going to eat next.
Please tell me if you have and what did you do to get back on track? If everybody will tell me one thing, I'll print them and post a copy on my pantry door, my fridge and my freezer. Maybe if your little faces are looking at me, I'll think twice.
O.K., the fat lady has begun the final chorus and I hear her singing, "The Party's Over."
Posts
Throw out the food you should not be eating. I know it is wasteful. I know it is drastic. But sometimes drastic is called for. I am not sugar-coating (no pun intended) this because I have been on your end and I hear you asking for help. Today I threw away an unopened jar of peanut butter. I did not want to do it. Several of my amazing readers told me I needed to do it. I knew they were right and I stopped resisting and started accepting the wisdom and help. If you want me to tell you that this too shall pass and you will get back on track, I am happy to do that too:) Because I think it will. But if you really want to end the party, kick out the unwelcome guests and lock the door behind them! (I hope this is not too harsh. And I have indeed had many serious relapses. Many. Hugs.)
ReplyDeleteSharon first and foremost please know that I am so so sorry for what you're going through and feeling I know it sucks.
ReplyDeleteSecond of all, I have been this person. This happened to me when my grandma died. I had made it down to my lowest adult weight ever, and then I ended up gaining the 60 I had lost, plus another 10. So, quite literally, I have been there. You are not alone.
And I agree with Karen. Get rid of the junk or, if you can't stomach that, donate it. I had so many cake mixes that I ended up giving away when I cleaned out my pantry. Hard, but worth it and the right thing to do.
I am thinking of you friend!! Hang in there!! This is the hard part. You can do it. We are here to listen and to cheer you on.
Well. Yes. I have certainly been there. Am a little there right now, as a matter of fact. And for much less of a reason than you have, dear heart.
ReplyDeleteI agree with the "get rid of the stuff" advice. I must add the disclaimer, however, that I am perfectly able to binge on corn flakes or toast or healthy yogurt or fruit.... You get the idea.
So, after Step 1, which is to throw out the main offenders, comes Step 2--develop a plan that will deal with what is making you eat.
You've alrerady made quite of list of those triggers in this post.
The plan? Well, whatever works for you. After cutting out the flour and sugar (I remember that you did that and it worked.) plan a walking program or comfort keepers (Like tub soaks or tea or whatever...) or plan to get on the computer instead of in the pantry or write about your experiences with your FIL...whatever will help you begin to move forward.
I don't know what works for you, but you do.
And before, during, after it all--pray! lots.
Praying for us both, now!
OK, I must add--it may be a little SOON for you to be perfect about all of this. Go easy on yourself. You won't gaing 20 pounds this week.
Deb
Here's what I do to get myself back on track, because I have been there, too. Each of us is on our own journey and what works (mostly) for me, may be not work for you.
ReplyDeleteMy first step is to rid the house, the pantry, the desk drawer - where ever food that aren't good for me hide. Gone. And I also don't restrict the AMOUNT of healthful foods I eat when I'm going through the withdrawal of carby/sugary foods. It usually takes me about three days to get back to eating normal, regular amounts if I've been "out" for a while.
And I talk to myself gently and give myself encouragement - like I was speaking to my daughter. I try not to let that inner voice rake me over the coals.
Sharon, you've been through a lot recently. Take good care of you.
I agree with the get rid of the stuff mindset. If it isn't there you can't eat it. Count to 50 before you let yourself start eating anything, make sure it is on a plate and you have to sit down at the table to eat it.
ReplyDeleteMake a list of things you can do other than eat to soothe yourself and give you some comfort.
You are trying to make yourself feel better with the food and it is working for a few moments and then you seek that comfort again.
I am so sorry for the rough time you are going through.
Thank you for the kind and sweet things you said on my blog. I appreciate your kindness.
I'm so sorry that you're going through this. I can't imagine what it's like. I have been in that type of situation where I've lost control and just want to keep eating and eating. As for what I did, I'm at a loss for words. It's been awhile since I've gotten to the point where I absolutely gorge myself to the point of being sick, in one sitting, but there are still occasions where I know that I have definitely eaten too much. I can only say what I've heard others say, go for a walk, try to get your mind off of what your stressed about, throw it out, write in a journal, do something on the computer. I know it's easier said than done, but I hope that you will feel better soon. :-)
ReplyDeleteNo more bagels for you!!!!!!! (or me for that matter) I find that ridding my diet of all white flour, sugar products stops the binge cycle. It's a scary cycle, isn't it? I know you'll get off it and get back to eating in control.
ReplyDeleteAll good advice above. I had a period of time where this happened to me a little over a year ago, when my dad's wife got ill and died in about a 6 month time period. It was SOOOO stressful. I gained back about 13 pounds. And then it took me 5 months of consistent work to lose that again.
ReplyDeleteI agree with the (at least temporarily) limiting or eliminating sugar and wheat. That eliminates so many trigger foods. And actually it can be fun , because you start to think of all kinds of other good foods that you can have instead.
Also, sometimes when I got home from a day of bad eating, I would eat something really healthy, like a bowl of yogurt and fruit or something. Even though I wasn't hungry at all, I thought of it as a signal to my body that this is the way I want to eat.
Fill the frig and pantry with the healthy options you like most. Plums are in season right now, peaches too ... ues them to replace other snack foods. Need richness? Buy a good humus and spread it on celery sticks. You get the point ... toss or give away the stuff you shouldn't be eating, and replace them with better alternatives. A day or two with better options, and you'll be ready to get back on track. You can do this!
ReplyDeleteWhat works for me when i'm having major cravings and hunger is to cut back on my carbs and make sure that the ones i do eat are complex carbs! All the best.
ReplyDelete