Monday, August 23, 2010

No One Told Me About The Food!

That's my sweet FIL on the right with my MIL to his right.   This picture was taken last October  at an apple orchard a couple of hours from our home.  Going to the orchard in the fall was a tradition that we loved - we certainly had no idea on that day that it would be our last trip.  His mind had already begun to really deteriorate and it was only a couple of weeks later that his cancer was diagnosed.  But on this day, you can see how happy he was.  BTW, that is NOT Mr. B.  That gentlemen and his wife have been good friends of ours for many years.  His mother, who is a dialysis patient and has been quite ill for a long time, is standing in the front.  None of us would have ever dreamed Mr. B's dad would be the first to go.  I have other pics from that day, but this one was the best of my FIL.  He was always smiling.  I wanted you to see him as we remember him.  

Why didn't you warn me about the food?  Why didn't someone tell me that getting through this without a major backward step would be virtually impossible?  Why didn't I understand that this whole ordeal would most likely end with a binge? Was it inevitable from the beginning?

I've been preparing (or buying!) food to take to friends after a death all of  my life.   Why did it never occur to me that people would do the same for us?  I have never seen so much food.  Food began coming in within an hour after we arrived home from the hospital last Thursday morning.  We received coordinated food from FOUR churches, twice from extended family and who knows what all from random people who wanted to contribute.  Just another vivid reminder to those of us with weight issues that our world revolves around food.  Staying away from it and out of it was impossible.  To refuse to eat it would have been rude.  So pretty early on, I just gave in and ate, and ate, and ate................................

Am I angry with myself?  For the damage I did on Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday, not so much.  It was a part of the ritual and I needed to participate.  But for today's continued binge, yes, I am angry with myself.  It was unnecessary and reflective of bad habits I'd worked for months to overcome.  Now I am forced to start from scratch.   Yes, it's o.k. and yes, I will cut myself some slack.  These have been trying days, but I'm reminded how much I don't like the bloated feeling left after consuming large amounts of white flour and sugar or the cotton-mouthed feeling brought on by the same thing.  And then there's the headache which can no longer be blamed on tension.  Nope, this headache is sugar induced.   No doubt about that.

So tomorrow I weigh - something I haven't done since last Friday morning.   And then I face the music.  The music will not be pretty.  Will you help me? 


  1. Try not to be so hard on yourself. The passing of FIL is a life event and you are correct a life event with loads of food. I know you will get back on track. The music would be much more dissonant if you had failed to start your journey to better health and documenting it through this blog. Be kind to yourself. You are only human, like all of us. We are all hear to support and embrace you as you move forward. Michele

  2. A new morning - aren't those great? Forgive yourself and move on. You aren't starting from've learned so much. You're simply continuing the journey Sharon.

  3. I was thinking of you today; wondering how you were doing. And I also thought about the food and how so many life rituals have food attached to them. Happy ones; sad ones. Food for joy and comfort and celebration. Yes, I think you should cut yourself some slack. You will get back on track. You had made great strides and you can get right back to those when you are ready.

  4. Chuckle. Yes, the eating was inevitable. And you aren't starting from scratch; you're just starting from binge. :}

    I'm glad you're able to focus on the daily drearies again. Despite the sound of that, it's a good sign. :D


  5. Hi Sharon: I'm just catching up on reading blogs after a busy weekend with the grandkids. I am sorry to read about the passing of your dear father-in-law. My condolences to you and Mr. B and all of the family.

    Thinking about food is probably not top on your list right now. Taking care of Mr. B and his Mom are probably taking up a good deal of your time and it should.

    There will be time for you to step up your game plan in the next day or two. You need time to grieve without the guilt feelings associated with overeating.

    Thoughts and prayers are with you.

    Margie M. writes at:

  6. I'm with Dawne. You're not starting from scratch. You've had an understandable bad time. Not even a week. Turn your back on the unplanned eating and do what you know. Any unwanted poundage will go away after a bit. It's a hard time. Don't be hard on yourself. Hugs.

  7. You've been through a rough time this week, but one week will not undo all the hard work you have done to get to where you are. Be kind to yourself today. Let this one roll by. Weigh-in and move on. It really is okay and not forever :)

  8. Sharon,
    I don't know what it is about losing a loved one and food that has made them so intertwined in our culture. But it is, and you did what you had to do. Lay down the guilt and frustration, and give yourself a great big pat on the back for making it through that hard time.

    Grief manifests itself in many strange ways for a long time after the loss. Prepare yourself now to give yourself a whole lot of slack in just about every area of your life, but especially eating. Don't put unrealistic expectations on yourself, just accept whatever comes and be kind to yourself.

    When the time is right, you'll know and you will be able to move forward. It may be longer than you think, but the time will come again. Your blog friends will help you on the journey.