No One Told Me About The Food!

That's my sweet FIL on the right with my MIL to his right.   This picture was taken last October  at an apple orchard a couple of hours from our home.  Going to the orchard in the fall was a tradition that we loved - we certainly had no idea on that day that it would be our last trip.  His mind had already begun to really deteriorate and it was only a couple of weeks later that his cancer was diagnosed.  But on this day, you can see how happy he was.  BTW, that is NOT Mr. B.  That gentlemen and his wife have been good friends of ours for many years.  His mother, who is a dialysis patient and has been quite ill for a long time, is standing in the front.  None of us would have ever dreamed Mr. B's dad would be the first to go.  I have other pics from that day, but this one was the best of my FIL.  He was always smiling.  I wanted you to see him as we remember him.  

Why didn't you warn me about the food?  Why didn't someone tell me that getting through this without a major backward step would be virtually impossible?  Why didn't I understand that this whole ordeal would most likely end with a binge? Was it inevitable from the beginning?

I've been preparing (or buying!) food to take to friends after a death all of  my life.   Why did it never occur to me that people would do the same for us?  I have never seen so much food.  Food began coming in within an hour after we arrived home from the hospital last Thursday morning.  We received coordinated food from FOUR churches, twice from extended family and who knows what all from random people who wanted to contribute.  Just another vivid reminder to those of us with weight issues that our world revolves around food.  Staying away from it and out of it was impossible.  To refuse to eat it would have been rude.  So pretty early on, I just gave in and ate, and ate, and ate................................

Am I angry with myself?  For the damage I did on Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday, not so much.  It was a part of the ritual and I needed to participate.  But for today's continued binge, yes, I am angry with myself.  It was unnecessary and reflective of bad habits I'd worked for months to overcome.  Now I am forced to start from scratch.   Yes, it's o.k. and yes, I will cut myself some slack.  These have been trying days, but I'm reminded how much I don't like the bloated feeling left after consuming large amounts of white flour and sugar or the cotton-mouthed feeling brought on by the same thing.  And then there's the headache which can no longer be blamed on tension.  Nope, this headache is sugar induced.   No doubt about that.

So tomorrow I weigh - something I haven't done since last Friday morning.   And then I face the music.  The music will not be pretty.  Will you help me?