Monday, August 23, 2010
No One Told Me About The Food!
Why didn't you warn me about the food? Why didn't someone tell me that getting through this without a major backward step would be virtually impossible? Why didn't I understand that this whole ordeal would most likely end with a binge? Was it inevitable from the beginning?
I've been preparing (or buying!) food to take to friends after a death all of my life. Why did it never occur to me that people would do the same for us? I have never seen so much food. Food began coming in within an hour after we arrived home from the hospital last Thursday morning. We received coordinated food from FOUR churches, twice from extended family and who knows what all from random people who wanted to contribute. Just another vivid reminder to those of us with weight issues that our world revolves around food. Staying away from it and out of it was impossible. To refuse to eat it would have been rude. So pretty early on, I just gave in and ate, and ate, and ate................................
Am I angry with myself? For the damage I did on Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday, not so much. It was a part of the ritual and I needed to participate. But for today's continued binge, yes, I am angry with myself. It was unnecessary and reflective of bad habits I'd worked for months to overcome. Now I am forced to start from scratch. Yes, it's o.k. and yes, I will cut myself some slack. These have been trying days, but I'm reminded how much I don't like the bloated feeling left after consuming large amounts of white flour and sugar or the cotton-mouthed feeling brought on by the same thing. And then there's the headache which can no longer be blamed on tension. Nope, this headache is sugar induced. No doubt about that.
So tomorrow I weigh - something I haven't done since last Friday morning. And then I face the music. The music will not be pretty. Will you help me?