Along the Appalachian Trail on the TN/NC Border
October, 2009
I do not wait well. Especially when the waiting is this painful. Mr. B's dad is resting comfortably. His body is shutting down and breathing is beginning to slow. He has fought hard even with us repeatedly assuring him that it's o.k. to go. It should be soon.
Waiting is exhausting. I've often said that it's easier for me to hike ten miles than to wait in a line for 20 minutes. Since Mr. B is an only child, we are a small family unit and although, we have a host of friends and extended family who want to help, the three of us want to be present with our husband/dad when he leaves this world. So we take turns, we run home to bathe and catnap, only to return and wait some more.
This is life. This is not what I intended to blog about this week. I had lovely pictures and subjects all picked out to talk about, ask your advice about and have fun with. Things change. Those subjects will still be here in a week or so when I can devote more time to it and get back into the routine with which I've become so familiar.
I am so exhausted mentally and emotionally, but during the long days in the hospital room, I'm finding comfort in reading your posts. It reminds me of a sense of normalcy that I will find again in a few days. Precious life is still happening all around me even though I have to look on the whiteboard in FIL's room to remember what day it is. I've made a few trips down to the nursery to get a glimpse of new life as I watch the final hours of life flow out of someone I love deeply. I don't have the mental energy to write posts of my own, but thank you for yours.
Interestingly, after the episode with the Triscuits, I seem to have lost my appetite completely. This is NOT the way I want to lose weight. I think it will pass, but right now, I just don't want to eat. This may very well be a first!!
This is becoming a bit of a ramble and that is not my intent. It had been a couple of days since I posted, so just wanted to say thanks for your kind support and comments. Mr. B is totally amazed at the community I've found in such a short time. I will keep you posted - it just probably won't be every day for a little while.
Posts
Oh Sharon, honey, hang in there. It's hard watching and waiting with someone who is coming to the end of life. Sometimes when I visit my Dad he sleeps the entire time I'm there or wakes up only briefly. I sing hymns that I know he knows or read to him from the Psalms. Sometimes he'll mouth some of the words along with me, but usually he just sleeps. I try to hold his hand or touch him to keep him aware on some level that I'm there with him. Courage. You all are in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteSharon, I am so sorry things took a turn for the worse. This isn't the blog entry I thought I'd find upon my return from vacation! I'll say a prayer this evening for your FIL, and for the rest of the family too. Waiting is never easy, but how nice you were all given enough time to say "thank you" for everything ... and to say good-bye too. My thoughts and prayers will be with you ... xx
ReplyDeleteThis is a precious time. Time to say good-bye. Time to plan. Time to adjust to those plans.
ReplyDeleteOften we don't have that time. It seems hard--and it IS!--but losing a loved one in a moment is so much harder.
As hard, awful, painful, excrutiating, taxing, tiring as this is--it is God's gift to you.
I pray that you continue to feel His great love--and His peace during this long good-bye.
Hang in there.
Hugs.
Deb
Thinking of you. Hugs.
ReplyDeleteStill praying...
ReplyDeleteLori
We have gone through this same thing 4 times and it never got easier. You are doing what is right. Being by FIL's bedside as he begins to wind down his days in this life and make that passage to the next is a big responsibility. One that apparently you all are doing with all the love for each other you can muster up. It is when these challenges in live arise that we find our inner strength and faith. Blogging will wait and be here when the time is right for you to again post funny and lighthearted things. In the meantime be with Mr. B and MIL to encourage their strength and share things about the life of your dear FIL with each other. Blessings and prayers to you all.
ReplyDeleteWe went through a similar time in my family with my grandma. She was in a coma and hung on a lot longer than the doctor's predicted. Finally, it was peaceful.
ReplyDeleteA prayer and a hug from me to your family.
I am thinking of you. I was there with my grandma and waiting is so hard. Hugs.
ReplyDeleteYou are where you should be. There is something so spiritual about being with someone when they take their last breath. It is the greatest gift you can give your loved one. We will be here when you get back.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry that you're having to go through this. I can't imagine what it's like. I pray that you'll have the strength to get through this. :-)
ReplyDeleteSharon, I'm still thinking about you all and your vigil today. To answer your question about how to know your traffic, look at the bottom the right side bar of my blog--there's a little white thing called a sitemeter. Click on that and you'll see some of my stats (I think). Most of the blogs I read have this. In any case, google sitemeter and you can sign up. You just add it as a gadget--no cost, no spam, just info. Be sure to disable the count for your own computer's visits or you'll skew the results. Hugs, Tish
ReplyDeleteOh, Sharon ... I'm sorry to hear what you're going through. I'd tell you to hang in there, but I know that's easier said than done.
ReplyDeleteAs for losing your appetite, it'll probably come back. I know the summer my parents died (about a month apart from separate causes), I lost weight because nothing sounded good. My roommate had lost her grandma earlier that year, and the both of us just went back and forth ... I don't want to cook ... Me, either ... Well, let's go get something ... what? ...
Nothing sounded good. We ended up getting a lot of fast food, but I still lost weight that summer (at one point, I weighed 306, but when we started Atkins that fall, I was at 276).
Sharon,
ReplyDeleteSorry things are rough at the moment. It's touch to see someone in the last stages of their life. I've lost both parents and I know how hard it is to watch someone go.
Thanki you for stopping by my blog and sharing commenting. You made my day with your kind words.
Looking forward to reading more of your blog as well.
Hugs
paula
I will be praying for you and your FIL and husband. I can only imagine how hard it is, being what stress I've gone through watching my mom and brother lately, and they are handling chemo fine.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your comments on my blog. I appreciate your being able to share a kind word with all your facing at this moment.
Take care.
Sharon, so sorry to hear you are going through this, but glad that you are able to be there. It sure is stressful firsthand and second hand. I dealt with it by OVER eating. Take time for yourself, even in little ways.
ReplyDeleteYes, the waiting is hard... I remember that time with my Mom. Yet I wouldn't have wanted to be anywhere else in the world. And I'm sure you wouldn't either.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you had this time to say good-bye. And he is surrounded by love as he makes his passage on to the next life.
May God fill you with strength and peace and consolation.
Loretta
=^..^=