Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Stuck In Limbo
Cascade along the Cabin Creek Trail
Grayson Highlands State Park - Virginia
One definition of the word "limbo" states that it is "any status where a person or project is held up, and nothing can be done ..." Sort of explains where we get the catch-phrase, "stuck in limbo," doesn't it? Well, stuck in something is exactly where my family is right now and yours truly is going stir crazy. I am continuously reminding myself how blessed I have been to have so little experience with how slowly the wheels turn when dealing with medical issues. FIL has deteriorated into a complete state of dementia and not without some very tense and rough moments. He is now being kept completely sedated, his doctors are all in agreement that he needs to be moved directly to a skilled nursing facility/nursing home and we are in the early stages of making that happen. All of those things happened yesterday - today there was no movement whatsoever. We simply waited, and waited, and waited. Stuck in limbo.........................
This was also the day I learned that "stuck in limbo" is a very close relative to "Help, I'm A Control Freak". I came home about three this afternoon. The hospital room is small, stuffy and not designed to hold three people plus one completely sedated person, for hours on end. Mr. B wanted to stay with his mom a while longer in case one of the doctor's came in, so I found myself home alone for a couple of hours.
I was hungry, tired, sad, stressed and the pantry was between me and my laptop. For whatever reason, I opened the pantry and there they were.....a fresh, new unopened box of TRISCUITS! The conversation started immediately. "No, Sharon - bad, bad, bad." "Oh, but think how good they would taste with one wedge of the Herb & Garlic Laughing Cow Cheese." "Only seven Triscuits with the cheese." "That's a good snack." "NO, NO, NO Sharon - you know Triscuits are your trigger food. You CAN'T eat just seven. You'll eat the whole box."
The bad news is: I ate the Triscuits.
The good news is: I only ate half the box.
The bad news is: It's been so long since I've eaten that much wheat (even whole wheat) and salt, I'll probably be swollen up the size of the Pillsbury Doughboy tomorrow. Not to mention the headache I'll have.
The good news is: I ONLY ate half the box. (In case anyone is wondering - yes, I've eaten a whole box many times...one of my favorite binge items)
The moral of this story: "Stuck in limbo" and "out of control" are closely related and since we all know I don't deal well with "out of control," it should come as no surprise that I'm not handling "stuck in limbo" very well either. Our lives are on hold. We wait. We have no control over the circumstances or the speed at which this process moves. We wait. I CAN control what goes in my mouth and for just a moment, forget how sad this all really is. We wait. I eat. We wait. All of a sudden, I get it! My mind makes the connection between "stuck in limbo" and mindless eating. Yes, I've eaten half the box, but I put the rest of the Triscuits back in the pantry. We wait. No more Triscuits! But still, we wait................we are stuck in limbo!